


I Might Tear You Apart

by ieatboyss



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ben Solo Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Cocky Ben Solo, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, First Love, Hate Sex, Horny Teenagers, I hate you let’s kiss, Loss of Virginity, Possessive Kylo Ren, Slightly underage consensual sex, Soft Kylo Ren makes an appearance because I can’t help it, Teen Crush, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:00:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 41,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26985562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ieatboyss/pseuds/ieatboyss
Summary: Ben Solo was your first kiss and your first love.He's also the boy you left without saying goodbye.And now he's missing, seemingly having vanished without a trace.Han Solo seeks you out and asks for your help finding him, not because of your history with Ben, but because you're one of the best bounty hunter's in the galaxy.With little information to go on, you begin your search for the boy with the blood of a scoundrel and a princess in his veins.When you find him, things don't go as planned, but they never do when the Solo's are involved.
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo/Reader, Kylo Ren/Reader
Comments: 36
Kudos: 110





	1. The Danger Is I'm Dangerous

**Author's Note:**

> I know, another fic while I have WIP's. I told myself I would never be one of those writers that starts new fics before finishing other ones yet here we are.
> 
> Apparently my mind has to have a canonverse Ben Solo fic going at all times or I combust.
> 
> This fic will be more violent and possibly more sexual than the others. That's the goal but I'm incapable of making Ben an asshole, even when he goes by Kylo. He just ends up emo as hell. If you've read my other fics you should know what to expect. 
> 
> The summary is a little vague because I don't want to give anything away. 
> 
> Hopefully you guys like it!
> 
> PS - As usual I don't have a beta so

* * *

_You're my kill of the night_   
_Now you're mine_   
_But what do I do with you, boy_   
_I'll take your heart_   
_To kick around as a toy_   
_The danger is I'm dangerous_   
_And I might just tear you apart_   
  
  
_Gin Wigmore - Kill of the night_

* * *

Something isn't right but you can't quite place your finger on what. Your instincts aren't telling you something nefarious is coming your way, but you have a feeling things are about to change and you are not completely sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing.

You knew the job was going to be different the moment they asked you to me at LoBue Cantina on planet Abregado-Rae. Like most planets located in the Outer Rim, Abregado-Rae and the LoBue Cantina, are considered a smugglers paradise. A "wretched hive of scum and villainy" were the exact words you overheard someone say once.

Over the years a variety of characters from different parts of the galaxy had sought your particular set of skills. One thing you had learned was the money was very rarely worth the risk whenever you were asked to meet somewhere in the Outer Rim

Regardless, you're sitting in the corner booth of the cantina, sipping Corrilian whiskey, waiting for your next 'employer' to show up.

The comlink you have is outdated and hard to track. If someone wants your help they have to work for it. If they went through the trouble of finding you it usually meant they were desperate and desperation usually meant a lot of credits. You wouldn't be considered one of the best bounty hunters in the galaxy if you were affordable and easy to reach.

You worked hard to earn the reputation you have. Tracking down the untrackable and killing the unkillable made you well known which isn't always a good thing. You were always on alert, never letting your guard down, and never letting anyone in, with one exception.

Although it's exhausting sometimes, it's what's kept you alive.

Two minutes.

Whoever you are meeting has two minutes before you leave and whatever job they have to offer you will go to someone far less experienced and far less talented than you are. It's not like you have any pressing matters to attend to, you're just impatient, and you don't like waiting for anyone.

That's another downside to your line of work. You don't really have a home, aside for your ship. You have enough credits piled up to purchase a house outside of the city on a nice planet away from the Outer Rim.

If you wanted to.

Part of you considered it, but the other part of you panicked at the mere thought of staying in one place for an extended period of time. You tried that once and things didn't exactly end on a positive note. At least from your perspective they didn't.

You are a bounty hunter, and you will always be, there's no escaping that.

The two minutes are up.

As you lift your glass to your lips to finish off your whiskey, someone plops down into the seat across from you.

"Hey kid," a familiar voice says.

It's a voice you haven't heard in a very long time.

Your eyes widen from behind the glass and the mouthful of whiskey you were about to swallow goes down the wrong way. Painfully, you do your best to swallow it before coughing roughly.

"Han?" you rasp, once the coughing subsides.

He smirks and sets two more glasses of whiskey on the table in between you.

The older man has more wrinkles since you saw him, and his hair is a lot whiter than you used to be, but that's expected considering how long it's been since you saw him. Overall, he's still the same old smuggler.

You thought with time he'd settle down with Leia but from the look of him you were wrong. There's no reason a newly upstanding individual would be in the cantina you're in, and there's no reason an upstanding individual would be seeking you out.

Han's not the time to want someone killed. Of course, he's killed his fair share of people over the years but it was always out of necessity, never on purpose. That's not why he tracked you down, you were sure of it. If he sought you out, it's because something is seriously wrong and he's out of options.

Frowning, you glance around the room, hoping to see the friendly Wookie you had grown to care about in your short time with the man in front of you. When you don't see him anywhere, you grow concerned, and Han immediately notices.

"Chewie's fine, he's waiting for me on the Falcon. Every time I'm here I end up getting shot at so I figured it might be best to have the Falcon ready to go."

Han picks up one of the glasses of whiskey, but instead of drinking it, he swirls the liquid around in the glass. almost nervously. Even though it's been a while since you've seen him, it doesn't take a genius to notice he's thinking of the best way to say whatever it is he wants to say to you.

"Why are you here? Whatever it is, it must be bad if you came all the way out here to find me. I'm not easy to reach."

"Trust me, I know," he huffs before finally bringing the glass to his lips.

"I need your help, not as an old...friend," he pauses, unsure if that's the best term to describe your relationship.

To Han and Leia you're family, but he's not sure how you'll react to that. Whenever he made that statement in the past you'd freeze up, visibly uncomfortable by the statement for reasons he didn't know, and reasons he didn't ask about. It was somewhat of a silent arrangement between the two of you since the beginning. If there was something you wanted him to know, you'd tell him. Prying was never one of Han's strong suits.

"I'm not asking you for a favor, I'm asking you to take a job. I don't expect you to help me for free, or because you think you owe me something."

The fact that he thinks you're going to make him pay you for your help irritates you and you can't help but frown. The older man in front of you was one of the few people you trusted, at least he used to be.

"Hey, don't look at me like that!" he says defensively. "You're very popular in the circles we run in. I figured you'd be busy and I'd have to pay to get to the top of your to do list," he raises his hands in surrender when you frown.

"That's the thing about being popular, I get to pick and choose when to work, who to work for, and who not to charge for my services," you respond with a bit of bite. Slightly offended, you cross your arms over your chest and lean back in your chair.

Your features soften and your brow furrows with worry when you realize he still hasn't told you why he's there. He's stalling.

"Why are you here Han? Is Leia okay?"

He keeps avoiding the question and it's making you increasingly anxious. Han is usually blunt and straightforward, it's one of the reasons why the two of you clicked when you first met.

"Yeah, Leia's fine," he sighs and runs his hand through his hair, averting his eyes. He looks around the cantina as if he actually cares about the decor and the few other patrons.

"If Chewie and Leia are both fine, then why—"

When you pause mid sentence, his eyes meet yours.

"Ben?"

He nods.

You swallow hard, doing your best to conceal your rising anxiety. Despite how much time has passed, you still worry about Ben, no matter how hard you've tried not to.

"What happened?"

"Almost a year after you left, Ben and Luke started butting heads more than usual. His power was growing and he was lashing out more often than not. Challenging his views and the flaws in the _ways of the Jedi_."

Han rolls his eyes and uses finger quotes around "ways of the Jedi" to emphasize his own feelings on the subject.

"Luke thought maybe if he came home for a bit it might help but you—"

You raise an eyebrow, curious as to what Han was about to say and whether or not it would be a painful reminder of what happened the last time you saw Ben. Instead of finishing his sentence, he continues as if he never said it.

"I took him on a couple of runs with me, hoping it would get him to loosen up a bit, and it did. He spent a little time with Leia, that helped too. His temper though, it was getting worse. It wouldn't be that big of an issue if he wasn't so strong but he was and he lashed out more than once during a run, not at me or Chewie, but at others. He told me he wanted to stay with me but...well we didn't know what to do so—"

"Please tell me you didn't send him away _again_ ," you close your eyes and sigh.

"Well it wasn't completely up to me!" he says guiltily and defensively. It's obvious he's regretted that decision since the moment he made it.

"Luke trained him for a few years but something happened between them, he didn't tell us what. Ben left before he could finish his Jedi training. When he contacted Leia a few months after leaving he told her he wasn't going back, and he refused to come home. We haven't seen him in a year."

You weren't expecting that response. The Ben you remember was cocky and arrogant. It was an act he worked hard to maintain. Behind closed doors he was extremely lonely, closed off, and emotional at times. It was during one of those times he divulged how hurt he was when his parents sent him away, how unwanted he felt. Despite feeling abandoned and resentful, he was close with Han and Leia.

Gallivanting across space wreaking havoc until he cooled off was something Ben would do. Running off without speaking to his parents for years was not.

"You haven't heard from him in a _year_?" you ask, confused and taken aback.

"A little over a year, but yeah. Even though he was mad at us, well at everyone, he'd still reach out. He's still his mother's son and he knows better than to completely ignore her. He would check in every month or so, leave a subtle message only me or Leia would understand. Then months went by with nothing. I told Leia to give him time, he'd pop back up. It's been over a year and no one has seen or heard from him."

"You think something happened to him?"

Movement behind Han catches your attention. Two large Twi'lek's enter the cantina and take a seat at the bar, directly behind Han.

"The boy's got a mouth on him. It's gotten him into trouble before hasn't it?" he chuckles when you huff.

"At first, Leia agreed, at least until she got one of her feelings. Whenever she has one of those weird feelings-" Han pauses and narrows his eyes at you suspiciously. "This better stay between us got it!" he points a finger at you to emphasize how serious it is.

You roll your eyes and nod.

"When she says she feels like something's wrong she's usually right. She's tired of waiting for Ben to come home and I'm tired of getting yelled at."

You know all about the feeling Han's talking about. You had it earlier before he showed up. You knew something was off, you knew something was different, and now you know what.

The one person you've ever truly had feelings for is missing and probably in danger.

You never would have guessed the person you were set to meet to discuss a possible job was the man that saved your life when you were younger. You're having trouble believing Han is sitting in front of you, and even more trouble believing his reason for being there.

"Why did you come all the way out here to find me? I'm happy to see you, really I am, but there has to be a slew of bounty hunters who would gladly take the job once they know whose paying them."

Han rests his clasped hands on the table and sighs.

"I came to you because you're the best, and like it or not, you're family. Not just to us, but to Lando and Chewie too. I don't care how long it's been since we've seen you. I told you once and I'll keep telling you until you believe me, you're family. Anyone else will treat this as just another job. We know you won't."

You avert your eyes, not wanting him to see how much his words still mean to you.

"Look kid, I don't want you to feel obligated to help us out. You're right, there are plenty of other bounty hunters I could seek out to do this. None of them know us, none of them know Ben. I don't know what happened between the two of you, and I ain't gonna ask. I know you guys didn't part on the best of terms though. He's rough around the edges, and about as sociable as a wampa, but he's still Ben. I can honestly say you're the only person he's ever gotten close to. I thought if anyone could find him, it would be you."

You aren't planning on turning him down but if you were the look of desperation and disappointment on Han's face would have changed your mind.

"I just wanted to know why you came all this way for me. I didn't say I wouldn't help so stop pouting, you're making me feel like shit."

You smile when he huffs and crosses his arms over his chest.

The Twi'leks behind Han casually try to glance your way without being noticed. You're pretty sure they're after him but It's possible they're after you. Fellow bounty hunter's frequently try to kill you simply to eliminate the competition. However, they showed up after Han did and they made sure they sat behind him, out of his line of sight.

"Can you think of any reason why two, fairly large Twi'leks, might be looking for you?" you ask casually as you bring your glass to your mouth.

Han starts to turn his head.

"Don't you dare turn around," you say through gritted teeth from behind your glass. Han's head freezes and he sits up a little straighter.

"Come on old man, it hasn't been that long since you visited the Outer Rim has it?"

"I'm not that old yet!" he snaps.

"Well, who do you owe money to? Have you wronged anyone lately?"

Han rolls his eyes. "There's not enough time in the day to answer that question but that's probably my cue to leave."

"Wait! I need more information!" you whisper a little too loud. "There's about 50 questions I need to ask you about Ben before you leave. I can't just aimlessly wander the galaxy looking for him."

Han reaches into his jacket pocket, and tosses you a holo disc.

"It's not much but all the info we have is on there. I'm sure you know how to get a hold of us if you need anything else. Is there an easier way for us to reach you, in case we get more info or something?"

You reach into your pocket and pull out an ancient looking comlink.

"That will only connect you to my comlink. Don't let that get into the wrong hands. Like you said, I'm highly sought after," you say with feigned arrogance as you lift your nose in the air.

Han snorts. "It was good seeing you kid. Leia's going to be over the damn moon when I tell her you're going to find Ben and bring him home. Hopefully it will get her off of my back, at least a little."

You've never once second guessed yourself or your ability to get a job done but for some reason, you're a little nervous. Maybe it's because the stakes are higher and personal, which is something you haven't experienced. Not being close to anyone made situations like the current one impossible. But of course, if anyone was going to make the impossible happen, it's Ben Solo.

When Han stands, the Twi'lek's start to noticeably pay attention to him.

"How close is the Falcon from here? Speeder distance or running distance?" you ask as you finish your whiskey.

"Close enough that if people start shooting at me Chewie will see it and know it's time to leave, why?"

"Because it's almost time to leave," you grunt as you push the table aside.

The Twi-lek behind Han raises his blaster and fires at Han's back. Shoving Han aside, you throw your empty whiskey glass as hard as you can towards the Twi-lek. It shatters against his head, causing him to drop his blaster and stumble backwards.

Han laughs from behind the table. The other one charges you as you reach behind your back, grab your blaster, and shoot him in the chest. Before the Twi'lek with the glass in his eyes has a chance to recover, you shoot him in the chest.

Once both of the men are dead, Han gets to his feet, dusts himself off, and approaches you with a smile.

"That had to be some sort of test right? You're old but you're not senile, or stupid."

Han shrugs."I haven't seen you in action, just heard about your skills by word of mouth. Good to know you're as good as everyone says. You nearly took out the Twi'lek with just a whiskey glass," he laughs.

Stepping over the their bodies, the two of you leave the cantina side by side before anyone else decides to come after you or Han.

"Do I wanna know why they were after you?"

In the distance the Falcon comes into view and you can't help but smile.

"Probably owe em' money. Who knows? I'm just as popular as you are, ya know?" he winks.

"You gonna come say hi to Chewie?" Han asks over his shoulder. He pauses once he realizes you're no longer walking next to him.

"As much as I'd like to see him, no. If I get on that ship you're not going to be able to get me off of it. I'll see him once I find Ben."

The air roughly whips around you as the Falcon prepares to land nearby.

"Oh, I almost forgot," Han opens his jacket and sticks his hand inside. When he pulls his hand back, there's a lightsaber in it. "From Leia," Han says, holding the hilt out to you.

"No, I'm not taking that. That's a Jedi's weapon and I'm not a Jedi." You lift your hands in the air and take a step back, as if it's cursed.

"You may not be a Jedi but you can use the Force and you know how to use this," He shakes the hilt, urging you to take it.

"I have the ability to use the Force, but I don't. I played with Ben's lightsaber twice, that hardly qualifies as—"

Han smirks.

Your cheeks burn, and you want the ground to swallow you when you realize how sexual that sounds.

"That's not what I meant! Ugh," you groan and cover your face with your hands.

He chuckles before getting serious once again.

"Look, whether you like it or not, you're Force sensitive. Ben taught you how to control your power and how to use a lightsaber. He mentioned more than once how dangerous you would be if you had your own."

He didn't want to play the "Leia" card right away but decided to when you showed no signs of budging.

"Leia worries about you and it will give her peace of mind if you have it. Hell, she won't even know if you don't use it, just take it."

"Damn it, Han!" you snap, roughly taking the lightsaber from him and clipping it to your belt. You always hated when he used Leia against you. It's a low blow and he knows it.

Before walking towards the Falcon, Han pulls you in for a quick hug.

"If anyone in the damn galaxy can find my son, it's you. When you do, kick his ass for me and Leia. He deserves it for stressing out his mother, who then takes it out on me."

Laughing, you nod and watch as the Falcon's ramp begins to lower.

"See you soon kid," Han says with one final wave before turning and jogging towards the Falcon.

* * *

Impatient beeping can be heard before you even lower the ramp to your ship. The moment you come into view, BD hops to the top of the ramp and rapidly fires questions at you in binary.

The small BD-1 droid impatiently hops from one leg to the other, waiting for you to acknowledge him and answer his questions.

"Will you chill out? Once we're off this planet and in hyperspace I will answer all of your questions, I promise."

He beeps angrily and hops towards the cockpit.

"Stop pouting."

* * *

"Now you know what I know. We have to find Ben."

BD beeps quietly, timidly.

"Don't make me feel guilty over what happened. Han did a great job already, I don't need to hear it from you too."

Instead of responding, he hops onto the dashboard, and lightly nudges the holodisc with his foot. Once you take the hint and pick it up, he turns around until a small slot on his side is visible. When you don't immediately insert the holodisc, he fidgets from one foot to the other and slowly inches closer to you.

"Alright! I can take a hint! You're so nosy and impatient."

The moment the holodisc is inserted, he jumps off your ships dashboard and happily trots towards the small living area in the back of the ship. Once he's sure you are following him, he hops onto the small table usually covered in ship parts, and angles his head upwards. The smaller of his two, large, eye-like lenses, begins to glow.

The information Han and Leia know you'll need is projected above the table.

**Name: Benjamin Skywalker Organa Solo**

"Damn, I was really hoping his middle name would be Chewbacca," you chuckle.

**Height: 6 foot 3 inches**

"Holy shit."

**Weight: 197+ pounds**

"He's kriffing huge."

**Appearance: Black hair, last seen chin length. Clean shaven. Hazel eyes. Muscular build.**

A photo hovers next to Ben's description. It looks like it was taken at Luke's temple a couple of years after you saw him last. According to the info in front of you, he's grown substantially since the picture was taken. The small Padawan braid can vaguely be seen by his neck, mixed into his thick head of hair. He looks extremely out of place in the tan Jedi outfit, sitting in a meditative position. A group of his fellow students sit in a similar position, nearby. Luke is standing in front of them, seemingly lecturing them on who knows what. Ben sits towards the edge of the group, distancing himself from the others as much as possible without it being obvious.

"Is that all the information on the holodisc BD, or is there more?"

**Last seen: Kijimi**

"Kriff," you sigh.

If Kijimi is where Ben was last seen, then Kijimi is your first stop. You have a few contacts on the planet, but only one is reliable and trustworthy. Unfortunately, he's the one you try to avoid the most.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

"Set the coordinates for Kijimi."

The droids lens arched as if it's raising a confused eyebrow.

"Yes, Kijimi."

BD beeps a response.

"Of course I'm not happy about it! Am I ever happy to see Dameron?"


	2. Where I Want To Be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **Reminder:**   
>    
> 

_Cause I'm a lost cause  
_ _So how can you find me?  
_ _Been running in circles  
_ _And drawing maps blindly  
_ _So give me some direction  
_ _Give me anything  
_ _Cause wherever you are  
_ _It's where I want to be   
  
_ _Like Ghosts - Where I Want To Be_

* * *

Although freezing, you've never had an issue with Kijimi. You prefer the cold to the heat so the temperature isn't the reason why you dislike visiting. The people that live there are.

"In or out of the jacket this time? You know which I prefer, but it's up to you."

You crouch next to BD and wait for him to make his decision. He hops onto your shoulder and lowers himself as close to you as possible. You smile, thankful your droid is considerate enough to care about your opinion. Donning your thick jacket and a warmer pair of gloves, you lower the ramp to your ship and walk down it. To the left of the lowered ramp is a small panel thatconceals a keypad. After entering a short code, the ramp lifts, and locks into place. Pulling the jacket around you a little tighter, you walk straight ahead towards Kijimi City.

It doesn't take you very long to arrive near the Thieves' Quarters, the area known for housing people who don't want to be found. You round a corner, almost to the familiar workshop, when a man appears at your side, blaster out and ready to shoot. You press a small button in your glove using your thumb. A small knife slides out of your gauntlet and into your hand. You pull your hand back, ready to stab the man, when Poe appears.

"WAIT! WAIT! NO KNIVES!" he yells as he runs towards you and the almost dead man standing nearby.

"But I like knives," you huff, placing it back in in your gauntlet. The man looks between you and Poe, confused, and slightly afraid now that he knows you know each other.

"You should thank him. You were half a second away from getting a knife to the throat," you scoff.

He looks to Poe as if expecting him to say you're joking.

"She's not kidding, you guys almost died,' he laughs.

The man backs away from you, turns on his heels, and quickly walks away.

"Friend of yours?" you ask, crossing your arms over your chest with obvious irritation.

"Hey gorgeous," Poe winks.

"Is that the new welcoming committee? If so, I'm not impressed."

Poe smiles. "We've had an influx of unsavory individuals in the Quarters lately. It has us regulars on edge." He turns his back and walks down the alleyway, leading you down a familiar path.

"An influx of unsavory individuals? Poe, you are an unsavory individual. Most people here are."

"Yeah, but we're the fun kind of unsavory," he smiles over his shoulder. "So, long time, no see."

"Not long enough," you scoff.

"I thought you'd be happy to see me."

He pouts and places his hands over his heart as if you've wounded him.

"Poe, whenever I'm here we usually end up bound and gagged, and not in a fun way."

Poe snorts. "Don't be so dramatic. That's happened like...twice."

"Whatever, my point is that you and fun never go hand in hand."

"I'm going to pretend you're being mean to me as some sort of aggressive flirting technique and not because you're trying to hurt my feelings. It's working by the way, the flirting is I mean."

Once inside the warm but cramped building, Poe leads you down a hallway instead of walking down the narrow set of stairs leading to Babu's workshop.

"Where are we going?" you ask, suspiciously. You wholeheartedly expect Poe to lead you to a bedroom just to be an ass.

To your surprise, he leads you to a small kitchen area you've never seen before. Two mugs sit on the small table in the corner of the room, their contents are hot enough to emanate steam. When you linger in the doorway, he gestures towards the table with his chin.

Semi-suspicious at his polite behavior, you narrow your eyes at him and take a seat at the table. He sits across from you, picks up his mug and sips it, sighing contentedly as the liquid warms him from the inside out.

You stare at your mug as you bring it up to your nose to smell it.

"Really?" Poe scoffs, offended. You take your eyes off of the mug and look up at him questionably.

"We've been friends—"

"Acquaintances is more accurate," you interject.

"Friends for a while. I really hope you don't actually think I'd poison you. It's just caf."

He sets the mug down in front of him and crosses his arms over his chest, legitimately hurt. You never thought you'd say it but you feel like you owe him an apology. You don't have friends but if you did, Poe would likely be the closest thing to it, even if he annoys you to the point of tears.

"It's nothing personal Poe," you sigh. "Assuming everyone is trying to kill me has become a habit."

He's well aware of your nomadic lifestyle and your "I don't need anyone" attitude. He doesn't know much about your past but he knows enough to understand why you push people away.

Not liking the way his eyes brighten when you call him by his first name instead of his last, you bring the mug up to your lips and take a sip before changing the subject.

"Where's BB—"

The sound of several objects crashing in the other room is the only warning you get before the white and orange cylindrical droid beeps wildly and whirls around the corner into the room with you.

"There," Poe answers your unasked question.

BD crawls out from under your jacket and hops down onto the floor. The droids circle each other excitedly before exiting the room.

Both you and Poe sip your caf in silence until it becomes uncomfortable.

"So, I'm not here for a social visit. I actually—"

"You're looking for Ben," Poe responds, casually.

You slowly lower your mug and cross your arms over your chest, waiting for an explanation.

"How did you—" you pause and pinch the bridge of your nose. "Let me guess, Leia?"

Poe smiles but doesn't respond.

"What did she tell you?"

"Just that Han was going to track you down and talk you into looking for Ben. I figured it was only a matter of time before you came to visit," Poe shrugs.

"Nice of her to assume I'd drop everything for Ben. I could have been busy, or I could have flat out told Han no," you huff.

Even as you say the words you know you're not convincing him. The look he gives you makes that loud and clear.

"Stop looking at me like that."

He chuckles. "I saw the two of you together remember? It may have been for only a minute but that's all it took to see how close you guys were. That kind of connection doesn't just go away. Feelings can change, but it's different with you two. I don't know how to explain it but it is."

"I don't want to talk about Ben. I just want to find him and get him home, that's it. I'm not sticking around and he's not sticking with me."

Poe starts to give you another "look" but stops when he sees you genuinely don't want to talk about your relationship, or lack of one.

"Alright then, can I ask you something?"

"You can ask, but I can't promise I'll answer."

Poe chuckles. "It's not about Ben. I was actually going to ask how you ended up with Han and Leia in the first place? I've asked before but they always say it's not their story to tell, it's yours.

You mull over his question. The story isn't that personal so there really isn't any harm in telling him.

"Alright, I'll answer your question, but you have to answer mine. Do you have any information on Ben that can help me find him? I'm assuming you don't. If you did, Han and Leia would have found him by now. The information they gave me said he was last seen here. Aside from a physical description and an older picture, I have nothing to go on."

Poe eyes you suspiciously. He's not sure whether he should make you tell him about your history with the Solo's first, or trust that you'll stay true to your word and answer after you have the information you want.

He sighs, either way he's going to tell you what he knows, even if you aren't going to like it.

"He was here, yeah. I was on a run when he stopped by. Zorii was here though, she told me she spoke with him."

You can't help but sit up straighter, as if your posture will determine whether or not what he says next will be helpful.

"Why did he stop here? Did he say where he was going?"

The look Poe gives you tells you you're not going to like his answer. Sighing, you lean back in your chair and wave your hand, signaling for him to continue.

"He was looking for you," Poe says quietly.

Slightly shocked, your brow furrows, and your lips part. "Me? Why was he—"

A memory you had locked away suddenly comes to mind. The details are foggy, but you specifically remember Ben's cocky tone and the smirk you once thought was equally as irritating as it was handsome.

" _I found you. I'll always find you sweetheart_."

It was something he had said to you on more than one occasion but you didn't think he was being serious.

How long had he been looking for you? More importantly, why was he looking for you?

Poe sees realization wash over you. He assumed Han would have mentioned the reason Ben left Luke's training in favor of open space. Apparently he was wrong.

"Alright, so Ben was looking for me and I obviously wasn't here. I doubt either one of you knew where I was at the time. What did Zorii tell him?"

Again, Poe sighs. He wasn't even on Kijimi when Ben stopped by, yet he was the one having to break the news to you.

"She told him the truth. She didn't know where you were, none of us did. He had no idea how hard you are to contact, let alone find. She tried to tell him locating you wasn't going to be as easy as he thought but he wouldn't listen to her. He said he'd find you because he always did."

You bring your cup of caf to your mouth and sip it slowly. Poe waits for you to respond but when you don't, he continues.

"Before he left he asked her if you told us where you were headed the last time you were on Kijimi. You were tracking someone when you were here last, and your next stop was Chalacta."

You set your mug down and run your hands over your face.

"I don't think I need to tell you this, but Chalacta is extremely close to—"

"Hutt Space. Yeah, I know," you interject.

The last time you were on Chalacta was over a year ago, which is about how long Ben's been missing.

"I know Solo is a bit unpredictable, but do you really think he'd go out there? Everyone knows how the Hutt's feel about Han Solo. If they knew his son was alone, so close to their territory...do you—"

"I don't know Poe. You're right, Ben has always been a bit...unpredictable. He's also arrogant as kriff and thinks he's untouchable. In a way he kind of is. He has Leia's brains and Han's personality, but there's an edge to him. He doesn't shy away from violence, he's somewhat drawn to it. He's also extremely powerful in the Force. Even if he was stupid enough to go into Hutt space on his own, he wouldn't be as vulnerable as most people in his situation would be."

You're starting to get a migraine and you really want to get back to your ship. For once, it's not because Poe is irritating you. You just want to be alone to digest the information you've received.

Poe can tell you're ready to bolt now that you have information. He's not going to hold you to your part of the agreement. Maybe next time you'll be in a good enough mood to answer his question about your history with Han.

"No questions until I'm done. Then you can ask but I probably won't answer," you say sternly, pointing a finger in his direction for emphasis.

It takes him a moment to realize you're not planning on leaving quite yet. Instead, you're about to share some of your history with him. He smiles and nods.

Rolling your eyes, you finish the caf in your mug, and quickly think of a way to tell the story as fast as possible.

"I was at Njinska's Tavern, on planet Abregado-Rae. I—"

"Isn't that in the resort city, Le Yer?"

You cross your arms over your chest and scowl.

"Shit, sorry. Continue."

"I'd been there a while because the city itself wasn't bad. If you knew where to look there was a dark undertone to it. A lot of gambling, smuggling, prostitution—"

Poe's eyes widen minutely.

"I wasn't a prostitute, you idiot," you huff.

"Phew," he says. Pretending to wipe sweat off of his forehead with the back of his hand. "Before I say what I'm about to say, I genuinely mean this as a compliment and not to piss you off." He stares at you, waiting for you to give him the go ahead to say what he wants. You roll your eyes and wait.

"You're very pretty. Not saying prostitutes have to be pretty. I mean, I've seen my fair share of prostitutes. This one time while I was on planet—"

"Poe!" you interject. "Thank you for the compliment but I really don't want to hear about the prostitutes you've...spent time with."

"What? No! That's not where this story was headed! Nevermind," he sighs. "So you were on Abregado-Rae, then what happened?"

Part of you wants to know Poe's prostitute story but you know if you tell him that he'll talk your ear off for the next two days.

"Le Yer attracted a variety of different crowds, the wealthy, and the less desirable. I was alone and learned how to stay under the radar. I could practically pick pockets in my sleep. I've always been good at fixing things and I had a bit of experience with ship repairs so finding work was easy there too. Between working and stealing, I had enough credits to eat and could usually find somewhere to sleep."

You avoid Poe's eyes, not wanting to see any pity. The two of you have been cordial for the first time since you can remember. If he looks at you with pity you'll have to punch him...again.

"I was at Njinska's Tavern one night because it was packed. I'm not sure if you know this but in the back of the Tavern there are several side rooms used for gambling. It was easy for me to move around because of how many people there were. There was an intense game of Sabaac being played and the entire room was focused on it. I had no idea who was playing but it didn't matter. There was a huge pile of credits in the center of the table. I had no idea who Han and Lando were at the time so I didn't understand why everyone was so enthralled. Everyone thought they were playing for money but they were actually playing for the Falcon."

Pausing, you stare back at Poe, expecting him to take the opportunity to question you but to your surprise, he stays quiet.

"Lando won and Han accused him of cheating. They started yelling at each other and so did the people around them. The spectators had placed bets on who would win the game so when one side accused the other of cheating, so did the spectators. It was ridiculously easy to distract everyone. One hard shove and the drunkest man in the room started swinging at the man in front of him. All hell broke loose. I grabbed a handful of credits and was about to leave when I saw a pair of gold dice on the table. I grabbed them and left. I thought I had gotten away with it until I turned a corner and ran straight into the hairy chest of a very large Wookie."

Poe smiles at the mention of Chewie.

"You're smiling but if you ran into Chewie, and didn't know him personally, you'd be terrified."

"Oh I know. He growled at me once and I almost shit my pants."

Poe isn't joking which makes it nearly impossible not to laugh. You rarely seem happy whenever he sees you so hearing you laugh is a rarity. The sight and sound brings a smile to his face.

"Anyways, I figured Han wanted his credits back, but he didn't. He just wanted the dice for 'sentimental' reasons. At the time I thought that was bullshit and they may have been worth something but now I know he was telling the truth. I gave him the dice and was about to leave when he offered me a job."

"A job? What kind of job?" Poe asks, curiously.

"Lando and some of his lackeys were prepping the Falcon, fully intending on taking her from Han. He said he'd pay me to help him take it back. He saw how easily I could sneak around without being caught. So I caused a distraction, knocked some people out, and got the Falcon back. Some people started chasing us so Han insisted I leave with them until things 'cooled off.' Somehow he could tell I was on my own. I guess they had seen me around and kept an eye on me to see if I had a home or a family. He said they could use my help if I'd rather stay with them than go back. Han claimed they needed help maintaining the Falcon and maybe help on runs. I didn't have anything else going on and there was nothing keeping me on Abregado, so I agreed to stay with them for a while."

BB8 and BD whirl around the corner and come to a stop next to the table you and Poe are seated at.

"They didn't have a run or anything planned after that so they took me back with them to Chandrila. Since both Han and Leia were gone a lot I usually hung out at the apartment or wandered around the area. I lived with them for a few months before I left."

Poe stares at you, mentally willing you to continue your story, knowing you won't. No one knows exactly what happened between you and Ben. Han knows more than everyone else but he doesn't have the details. Neither you nor Ben ever fully divulged and he doubted you ever would.

"Well on that note, it's time for us to go."

BD and BB8 both beep sadly.

"Oh stop pouting, you guys will see each other again. Let's go BD."

You gesture towards the door with your chin. BD stares at the ground and slinks out of the room.

"You sure you don't wanna stay until tomorrow at least?" Poe asks. For once, he doesn't sound flirtatious or cocky. His tone suggests he's concerned, which is weird. "You have to be tired of sleeping in your ship."

He follows close behind you as you walk down the hall, towards the door.

"My ship is home, it has been for a while. I need to get to Chalacta as soon as possible. It's been a while since Ben was there so I doubt I'll be able to get any useful information but it's a start," you sigh.

You slide your jacket off of your shoulders and crouch down next to BD.

"Are you getting back up here or are you mad at me now?"

Without a word, BD climbs on to your shoulder and presses himself close against you. Poe laughs as you lift your jacket over the small droid and pull it close around you.

"Oh, here."

Poe reaches into his pocket and takes out a small comlink.

You raise an eyebrow and glance at his face, then at his held out hand.

"Why are you giving me that? What makes you think I want that?"

Poe sighs and rolls his eyes. "Look, I know how much you like to be alone so I won't bug you. You're really hard to get a hold of and I need a way to contact you in case I find anything out about Ben. If not, I will have to go through Han and Leia which will take twice as long."

He sticks his hand out further, shaking the comlink, urging you to take it.

Groaning, you take the it from him and shove it into your back pocket.

Poe smiles smugly.

"Shut up."

He chuckles and opens the door for you. You're immediately hit with a gust of air so cold it nearly takes your breath away. Pulling your jacket up even further, you glance over your shoulder at Poe.

"Thank you, for everything," you call out, over the wind.

Poe smiles again.

"Wipe that look off your face Dameron."

Thankfully your jacket is pulled high enough to partially cover your face. If he saw you smiling he'd never shut up about it. He was hard to push him away when he was so damn happy over something as simple as you sitting down and talking with him.

"If anyone can find Solo, it's you."

Nodding once, you turn your back to him, and begin the cold trek back to your ship.

* * *

Once off of Kijimi, you settle into the pilot seat, and prepare yourself for the conversation you're about to have.

After entering the passcode, you sit and wait for the comlink to connect you to Han. Seconds later, his holo appears in front of you, hovering over your dashboard.

"Hey kid, how's—"

You lean back in your seat, cross your arms, and glare at him.

"Oh hell, what did I do?"

"Why didn't you tell me Ben was looking or me when he disappeared? You told me he left Luke because they were 'butting heads' but there's more to it than that isn't there? I can't find him if I don't know everything Han," you huff.

He sighs and bows his head. "I didn't think him leaving to look for you would matter, honest. And I don't have details on what happened between him and Luke. All I know is that they couldn't get along."

"Alright, so he left Luke and has been looking for me since," you say quietly, averting your eyes.

Now that you know he was looking for you when he disappeared, you can't help but feel slightly guilty, as if it's your fault he's missing.

"Is there anyway to find out why he left Luke? I don't think it will make any difference but I'd like to have as much information as possible."

Han's brow furrows and he glances over his shoulder at something you can't see.

"Is there anything else you want me to get out of him? Besides what happened before Ben left?"

What other information could Luke have that would help you find Ben? There's something you want to know but you doubt it will help you find him. It will give you peace of mind but it will also expose a secret of Ben's. Does it matter whether or not they know at this point?

"There's one more thing...but I can't explain so please don't ask questions. It's not my story to tell but it's something...it's something I've worried about for a while."

Han frowns, already not liking where the conversation is headed. He nods once.

"Ask Luke if Ben told him about the voices."

Han's frown quickly shifts into a look of concern. He isn't sure what you're talking about, but he knows it isn't anything good.

"Alright, I'll see if Leia can get a hold of him."

"Thank you."

Something catches Han's attention and he glances over his shoulder again. He turns back towards you and smirks. "I've gotta go, kid. I'll be in touch."

"Okay, bye Han."

The moment the holo ends, BD nervously slinks out from behind the pilots seat, the place he's been hiding since you made the call.

He beeps and hops onto the dashboard in front of you.

"Chalacta is where Ben was headed last time anyone heard from him so that's our next stop. Poe's going to contact us if he hears anything else and so will Han."

BD turns his back to you and begins entering Chalacta's coordinates into the ships navigational system. Even though he's not facing you, he continues to ask you questions.

"No, I don't think Ben's there." 

"No, I don't think we'll find anything that can help us find him."

You rub your temples with your fingers, willing your headache to go away. You're tired of answering questions but you're even more tired of not having answers to them.

For the first time in a very long time you have no idea what to do next and it's starting to make you anxious.

"Where the hell are you Ben?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought this chapter was extremely boring so it took me a while to write it. Unfortunately it was necessary. I was going to make an entire chapter of Han’s story but again, I felt like it was boring so we get a quick summary. 
> 
> If it sounds like a lot is being left out, it is. Everything will be explained soon. Sorry if you struggled to get through this chapter too. Young and cocky Ben Solo will be making his grand entrance soon.


	3. Piece Of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, I have no beta. I also didn't have a chance to proofread this chapter a billion times like I usually do. Fair warning.

* * *

_Everybody's gotta lose someone  
_ _No matter who you call your own  
_ _They gotta choose someone to love  
_ _And no matter how far away they feel  
_ _You'll always feel like someone's here  
_ _I never thought I'd reach the bottom  
_ _I always thought that you'd be there  
_ _Owning up to mistakes I've made  
_ _Right back to where I started  
_ _Neglecting all your tears  
_ _I got lost in my ego  
_ _And no matter how far away you feel  
_ _I always feel like you're right there  
_ _never thought I'd reach the bottom  
_ _Until you disappeared  
_ _Without you here  
_ _Everything feels so clear  
_ _And I can't let you go  
_ _How could I stoop so low?  
  
_ _The Word Alive - Piece Of Me_

* * *

Just when you're close to Chalactan, multiple people contact you and derail your plans. Why? Because things can never be easy for you, ever.

First, it was Dameron.

After taking a much-needed shower, you're sitting on your bed, lacing up your boots when your faithful little droid comes hopping out of the cockpit, beeping wildly. Not expecting his dramatic entrance, he startles you, causing you to bump your head on the top of the nook that houses your bed.

When you rub your head and glare at him, annoyed, his beeping persists but quieter than before.

"Calm down! Who is contacting us? Slower this time, BD." You're trying your best not to be annoyed with him but the throbbing pain at the top of your head is making it hard.

As requested, BD repeats himself, but this time he's not as frantic.

"Dameron's contacting me? Already? Ugh. This is exactly why I didn't want to take his comlink," you growl and get to your feet.

You quickly enter the cockpit, cursing Poe and vowing to cause him physical harm next time you see him if he doesn't have a good reason for contacting you so soon after leaving him.

Once in the cockpit, you activate the small comlink. To your surprise, it's a two-way holo call, not the typical audio one. Thankfully you were fully dressed.

Poe's blue silhouette appears in front of you, hovering over the ship's dashboard where BD left the comlink. He smirks when he sees how agitated you are. You hope your glare and your arms crossed over your chest clearly convey how annoyed you are with him. Knowing you won't hesitate to disconnect the call, he raises his hands in mock surrender.

"I'm contacting you for a good reason, not just because I miss your beautiful face already."

You roll your eyes. "You have five minutes Poe. If what you have to say isn't important, I'm ending the call and destroying the comlink."

"Jeez, so angry all of the time...it's hot."

"DAMERON!" you yell.

"I think I have a lead on Ben."

Your scowl instantly vanishes and you slowly uncross your arms. You were expecting him to flirt of course, but you weren't expecting him to contact you with information so soon after leaving Kijimi.

"What?"

"Not too long after you left, I contacted a few people that tend to linger in Hutt Space or have contacts there."

Poe is quiet and you know whatever he has to say isn't going to be something you want to hear.

You hold out your arms as if saying "And??"

"They haven't seen Ben recently,"

You sigh and stare down at the ground. You knew better than to get your hopes up but you did it anyway.

"But! I have some info that might help at least," he quickly adds, hoping to keep you from losing hope.

"What info?" you ask without taking your eyes off the ground.

"So this guy I know knows a guy, whose brother's sister knows someone that likes to visit The Wheel with his friend's cousin. He said he heard whispers from his aunt who—"

You lift your eyes and stare back at Poe, confused. He sighs.

"To simplify, you should stop at the Wheel before going to Chalactan. He was retracing your steps a year ago, but this info is more recent. It's word of mouth and could be a load of shit but it's worth a shot isn't it?" He looks at you expectantly, unsure of your reaction.

When you're quiet for too long, Poe keeps talking. "How far are you from Chalactan?"

"A few hours, give or take," you sigh and meet his eyes. "Is the Wheel still in the Abrion System?"

"Yep," Poe says, popping the "p."

BD is already hovering near the navigational system, ready to change your course as soon as you give him the okay. You smirk and nod. He happily hops from foot to foot while rerouting the ship.

Running your hands through your damp hair, you glance up at Poe. It pains you to admit it, but you're in his debt and you know he's never going to let you forget it.

"Well, thanks, Poe. I guess I owe you one."

Poe smiles mischievously which makes you roll your eyes. 

"I see we're on a first name basis now. Calling me Poe instead of Dameron is all the repayment I need, beautiful."

You groan and reach out to end the holo but pause when Poe calls out to you.

"What, Dameron?"

He rubs the back of his neck nervously which in turn, makes you nervous.

"Just...just be careful. There's been a lot of talk about a new bounty hunter whose skills rival yours."

You snort. "Right, and BD is actually a wampa in disguise."

Poe chuckles. "Seriously though. He's supposedly ruthless. He's an assassin or a bounty hunter, maybe both, I'm not sure, the stories vary. Either way, he's more dangerous than most. Watch your back...more than usual."

"Alright, I will."

Poe sighs. "I should have come with you. BB8 and I—"

"I know you run spice but I didn't know you dabbled in it too. The only way you would even suggest something like that is because you're high."

"You're such an asshole."

"Yeah, but you love it for some unhealthy reason."

"True. Keep me posted, yeah?"

"No promises."

Poe smiles and ends the transmission. It's the first time you didn't end a holo by telling him to shove it or to choke on a variety of genitalia. He's helped you more than anyone else has since you started looking for Ben and much to your dismay, he's growing on you.

You slump down in the pilot's seat as the ship jumps to lightspeed.

Just as you start to relax, your personal comlink begins to beep from the captain's quarters. BD jumps to his feet and disappears into the back of the ship. You hear the beeping grow louder as your droid runs back to you with the comlink. He hops back onto the dash, sets the blinking device down in front of you, and shuffles from foot to foot, waiting for permission to activate it.

You can't help but smile. "Go for it."

He happily steps on it lightly, accepting the transmission. A blue holo instantly appears but it's not Han like you were expecting. It's an older man with greying hair dressed in robes you've seen in pictures at Han and Leia's home in Chandrila.

Your eyes widen slightly, completely surprised by who is staring back at you.

"You're...are you—"

"Ben's uncle, Luke Skywalker, yes, I am."

* * *

It takes a minute for your brain to acknowledge who you're speaking with. It isn't the fact that the Luke Skywalker decided to contact you. It's just the spontaneity of the call. It's not easy for people to reach you through your personal comlink and you had spoken with Han not too long ago.

You know you're making a horrible impression and probably look like an idiot considering you haven't been able to speak a full sentence to the Jedi. Instead, you open and close your mouth several times.

Luke puts his hands in his sleeves and patiently waits for you to put enough words together to properly form a sentence.

Clearing your throat and blinking a few times, you stop gawking at the man and finally manage to speak.

"Sorry, for being rude. I really wasn't expecting you to call, much less so soon after I spoke with Han. I figured he'd speak to you then relay whatever information you gave him to me. I wasn't expecting you to contact me. Not that it's a bad thing, just...unexpected."

Luke chuckled. "Well, my sister isn't a very patient person to begin with. When Ben is involved she's as patient as a porg. It's best to do as she says as fast as possible to avoid her wrath. I'm sure you've witnessed it first hand."

"Thankfully I've never been the recipient of it, but yes, I've witnessed it. Her ability to make grown men cower is one of my favorite things about her." 

You want to smile at the memories but it hits you then how much you truly miss Leia.

Luke clears his throat in an attempt to casually transition to the reason he's contacting you, "So I've been told you're looking for my nephew."

"Attempting to, but I haven't really made any headway. It's hard to look for him when the only information I have is over a year old."

Luke sighs. "I'm afraid as far as his whereabouts are concerned, I don't have any information you don't already have."

"Yeah, I figured as much. If you knew where he was or had any leads I would assume you'd be looking for him yourself."

When Luke averts his eyes, you narrow yours at him, suddenly suspicious.

"You would be looking for him right?"

He sighs. "It's complicated. Of course, I'd want to make sure my nephew is safe, if not for Leia's peace of mind but for my own. We didn't exactly part on the best terms which is one of the reasons why he left. If he knew I was on his trail it would only push him further away."

"One of the reasons? What are the other reasons? And why did he leave in the first place? What happened between you guys?"

Luke stares at you like he's trying to determine whether or not you have Ben's best interests at heart like he's trying to figure out what your motive is, even though you're sure he already knows.

"During your time with Ben, did he ever explain the Jedi code to you? The beliefs and the Jedi's way of life?"

You bite your lip and think back to all the times Ben angrily ranted about what he was being taught and how much he disagreed with it.

* * *

_"I didn't even know the Jedi had a code and to be honest, I'm not really sure what that even means."_

_"Essentially, it's a set of rules the Jedi live by. It's what dictates their choices and their way of life."_

_You sit in the grass and watch as Ben paces angrily, fists at his sides. They're clenched so tight that his knuckles are nearly white. He only unclenches them to run his hands through his hair while he rants._

_"One of the rules, the one they tend to focus on the most, forbids the Jedi from loving someone romantically."_

_Thankfully he isn't sitting next to you or pressed against you anymore. If he was, he'd be able to feel how fast your heart is racing by his words alone._

_Both of you have what most would classify as a relationship, but neither one of you has put a label on it. You love him, you're pretty sure he knows as much. He loves you, you know that too. Neither one of you has openly said it, even if you've eluded to it the way Ben just did. Each time he does, your stomach does a flip and your heart beats a bit faster._

_"That's not really possible, at least I don't think it is. Love just sort of...happens. It's not something you can force and it's not something you can prevent. Aside from completely isolating yourself from other people. How do the Jedi manage to do that successfully? "_

_"I don't know and I haven't bothered asking. The topic makes me angrier than I'd like to admit," Ben huffs and roughly sits in the grass in front of you._

_"Aside from wanting all of you to die virgins, what else does the Jedi code say?"_

_Ben snorts but keeps his eyes trained on the ground. He pulls blades of grass out of the ground while he speaks. Like the small amount of destruction cools his temper._

" _There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force."_

_Nothing good will come from speaking your mind, at least not in this situation. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. You think the code is bullshit like Ben does, but if you acknowledge that it will only make his conflict with his uncle grow. If you say you agree, that will only make Ben draw away from you. He'll think you don't understand him, even if you do. Being open with him is the right choice, you just need to make sure_ _you word your response carefully._

_"Without emotion there's...well without emotion, you might as well be a droid," you pause, "Actually I take that back. I'm pretty sure your mom's droids can be quite emotional."_

_Ben chuckles and relaxes a bit. The fact that you're picking apart the Jedi code as much as he does puts him at ease._

_"I understand the ignorance part. No one wants to be ignorant. Passion, well passion can be a good thing and a bad thing. If you're too passionate about something it can turn into an obsession, but passion makes you human. I understand wanting to shy away from chaos in favor of peace and harmony, even if that's not always a possibility. The death thing...well I don't know much about Jedi's views on death."_

_You're biting the inside of your cheek and frowning down at the ground as you analyze the code, word for word. Because you're not looking up, you miss the way Ben's staring at you. You're the first person he's been completely honest with about his feelings on the Jedi's way of life that hasn't tried to change his views. Instead, you understand him, you even agree with him. He wants to crawl over to you, lay you back in the grass, and kiss you senseless but he wants to hear what else you have to say first. Swallowing hard, he looks back down at the grass and continues the conversation._

_"Master Yoda, he trained Luke when he was younger. He forbade the Jedi from forming emotional attachments. Emotional detachment was essential to prevent the Jedi from_ _becoming vulnerable to feelings of jealousy, greed, and the fear of loss. Those feelings all lead down a path to the dark side."_

_"But fear of loss is unavoidable. Even if it's not the fear of losing a romantic partner, you'll still fear losing your family."_

_Ben shrugs._

" _Even though it's heavily implied, the code doesn't specifically state love is forbidden." Your tone changes from a serious one to a playful one and he notices._

_"No, it doesn't. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi's life."_

_When his eyes finally meet yours, there's a mischievous glint to them. He abandons his mission to destroy the lawn and slowly moves towards you on his hands and knees._

_"So you might say," he pauses and slips his knee between your leg before he continues to crawl over you, forcing you to lean back into the grass as he settles between your legs._

_Once he hovers over you, he stares into your eyes._

_"So you might say, in a way, we're encouraged to love," Ben whispers, leans down, and presses his lips to yours._

* * *

"I know he disagreed with it and to be honest, based on what he told me, I don't really agree with it either. It sounds like you're trying to train a bunch of emotionless droids."

Luke sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. He knows you're a very strong Force user and he knows you do your best to hide it. While training with Ben, he saw glimpses of his time with you and what you are capable of. You walk the line between the light and dark just as much as his nephew does which is one reason he didn't encourage the relationship between the two of you. If you went one way, Luke knew without a doubt, Ben would follow. Which is exactly what happened.

"That's not exactly—"

" What does the Jedi code have to do with his disappearance?" You don't want to be rude but you also don't want a lesson about the ways of the Jedi. Even if Ben's version wasn't exactly the way things really are, you have no desire to learn about them.

"As you said, Ben and I didn't exactly see eye to eye when it came to the Jedi code. He was always stubborn and has always been overly emotional, which you know."

You nod.

"Both aren't ideal traits for a Jedi. In fact, those traits can lead him down a path to the dark side which is what Leia was worried about. That's why she originally sent him to me. As he got older, the emotional little boy grew into an emotional young man. What I was trying to convey didn't stick with him. Then you came along," he pauses.

Instantly defensive, you cross your arms over your chest and frown at the floating blue holo of the Jedi Master.

"What the hell does that mean?"

"You're a smart girl. Think about it. I was trying to teach Ben about attachments and how they can lead him astray and why he should avoid them. I was trying to teach him about passion and the fear of loss and why they were harmful to a Jedi. When he was younger, he didn't agree with it completely and always argued but he still listened with an open mind. Then, unexpectedly, a girl enters his life. He's enamored with her and his parents adore her. She is intelligent and beautiful. She stands up to him and puts him in his place. She's his equal physically and in the Force." 

Your lips part as you're about to argue with him but he raises his finger to stop you from interrupting.

"He had never been in any sort of romantic relationship before so his understanding as far as emotional attachments while growing up was Han, Leia, and Chewie. That's one reason why although he didn't like that rule, he didn't disregard it completely. Once he met someone he fully understood what it means to deny romantic attachments and he obviously wasn't going to let you go. I don't know whether he told you or not but he didn't just love you, he was attached," Luke pauses, "No, attached isn't a strong enough word. You consumed his every thought. Yes, he wanted to learn to control his powers, but not if it meant being apart from you."

After what happened during Leia's party, even you knew he needed to learn to control his emotions and his powers. You got a glimpse of what his parents were so worried about. The last time the two of you spoke was the night before he left to go back to resume his training. Although he wasn't happy about going, he understood. Even though things ended badly between you two, he still went back.

"So he basically threw the whole 'no attachment' rule out the window for good."

"That's putting it mildly, but yes. We argued about it constantly to the point where other students would get involved to try and sway Ben's beliefs."

You snort. "That went well right? No one can talk Ben into doing anything he doesn't want to do and you definitely can't change his mind once he has it set on something."

"No one can talk Ben into doing anything, except you."

Warmth spreads across your cheeks, a telltale sign that they're turning crimson. Thankfully Luke won't be able to see it via holo.

"Okay, so after what happened at Leia's party, Ben plans to go back to finish his training. Then he and I...part ways," you glance at Luke, looking for any sign he may know details of what happened between you. His face is neutral while he listens to you.

"He gets back to you and is more argumentative than before. Some time passes and when it doesn't get any better Han picks him up and spends time with him, hoping it will mellow him out if he takes a break from training, but it doesn't. Even though Ben asked Han to let him stay with him, Han takes him back to you. He trained for a while but didn't progress much due to his views, then he left. Is that the short version? Did I miss anything?"

Luke rubs his chin and looks away from the holo, trying to think of anything else you need to know.

"The last time we spoke I told him he needed to let you go because you left and you obviously weren't coming back. It had been well over a year without any contact with you."

Even though it was the truth, it made you wince as if the words caused you physical pain. In a way they did. Your chest hurts when you let yourself think about how things ended between you.

"I needed him to accept that so we could move forward in his training but he refused. He packed up his belongings and took one of my ships in the middle of the night. I haven't heard from him since but I know Han and Leia communicated with him for a while."

You sigh and rub your hands over your face. Technically you got what you wanted. You now know the full story and aside from making you feel like complete garbage, it's useless. Instead of staring back at Luke's holo, you turn your attention to the stars streaking past the ship's windshield.

"It's not your fault," Luke says after he gives you some time to sit in silence and blame yourself for everything Han and Leia have gone through the last year. You quickly bring your attention back to the Jedi.

"I'm pretty sure it is. I made his conflict worse and I'm the reason he left before he was ready, so yes, it is my fault."

"You didn't force him to feel as strongly for you as he did. Yes, it was your decision to leave. Even though you left for a good reason, based on what I saw. Based on what was said, I wouldn't blame you for doing so and neither would anyone else."

His words actually ease your guilt a little. But...

"What do you mean 'based on what you saw?' What exactly did you see or hear? And how?"

You narrow your eyes at him, suddenly suspicious.

"Han said you had one question for me. About the voices."

"He told you." You close your eyes and exhale a breath of relief. Ben kept his promise. He told Luke.

"Yes, he kept his promise," Luke smirks as if he read your mind.

While relieved to hear that bit of information, you're anxious to know what details Luke knows about your relationship with his nephew.

"When he arrived back at the temple, he asked to speak with me alone. Of course he wouldn't just flat out tell me what the issue was. I had to coax it out of him but he explained everything, including the nightmares. That night I started working with him, training him to close himself off to any outside influence. To do so, I had to try and get into his head, see his thoughts, etc. as I said, his thoughts were consumed by you so I saw some things that I'm sure he would have preferred to stay private."

You're mortified. Luke Skywalker, the legendary Jedi Master, might have seen you naked. Naked and-

When he sees the mortified look on your face, he quickly backtracks.

"No, no, nothing intimate. Although it wasn't hard to connect the dots." He clears his throat and everts his eyes.

Wonderful.

"I just saw small glimpses of certain events that were significant to him. You holding a knife to his throat," he smirks.

Remembering the first time you met made your eyes well with tears.

"You besting him with his own lightsaber, even though you'd never held one. Random bits of conversations at night. Waking him up when he was having a nightmare, and the last time you spoke."

You nod once to acknowledge him but stay quiet.

"May I ask you a question?" Luke asks, almost hesitantly. The fact that he's not straight forward makes you nervous. He doesn't seem like the type to hold back.

You nod again.

"The first night you witnessed Ben having a nightmare," he pauses to give you a minute to realize where the conversation is about to go.

You swallow hard and wait.

"Before then, you had never used the Force before, right?"

You shake your head.

"When you woke him up, the two of you...connected somehow...you felt a...a spark. From that moment on, things were different. The two of you felt...entangled with each other...connected in a way you couldn't explain. Shall I keep going?"

You narrow your eyes at him. He knows damn well everything he's said so far is accurate.

"Stop me when I'm wrong. You were always Force-sensitive you just hadn't realized it until that night. The connection with Ben awoke your powers. That's when Ben started to train you with the Force and with a lightsaber.

You huff. "I see you got more than just a 'glimpse' when sifting through Ben's head."

Luke chuckles. "In this regard, yes. That night was important to him, very much so. He wanted to keep that memory to himself which is why I did my best to get to it. He worked harder to keep me out whenever I found a memory that was particularly special to him. I didn't realize how much I'd learn about you by seeing it."

"At least he tried to keep it to himself. I guess that counts for something," you mumble.

"You said you had a question. So far all you've done is confirm that what you saw is accurate."

"I need to make sure I have all the facts straight before doing so."

"Fine, continue."

"You could feel him, and he could feel you, correct?"

Well, there's no point in keeping things to yourself. Apparently Luke already knew everything. You might as well be honest with him. You're not sure if it will help you find Ben but there's no harm in it.

"Yes. I could...I could sense him...or...feel him. I don't know how to explain it. If I was in my room at Han and Leia's, I could tell when he was in the kitchen. It was small things like that, at first. Eventually, if I focused hard enough I could sense him at greater distances. He would be at the hangar with Han and I could find him from the apartment. Ben taught me how to get a feel for everyone's signature in the Force and by everyone I mean, Chewie, Han, and Leia. But with him it was different. With them, I could tell they were alive but I couldn't track them down the way I could with Ben. It was like...like we had trackers on each other and could always find one another."

Speaking about everything that happened is actually lifting a bit of weight off of your shoulders. Luke doesn't know you and it's obvious he's not one to gossip so you know whatever is said will stay between you two. You never gave Han or Leia any details because it involved their son and also the Force. Poe was completely out of the question which meant you kept everything bottled up. You're not a medical expert but you know for a fact that's not exactly a healthy way to cope with things.

"Is that why you no longer use the Force...because you knew Ben could use your connection to find you?"

You quickly avert your eyes and swallow hard once again. Damn, maybe getting things off your chest wasn't a good idea. Maybe it is his tone of voice or the way he phrased it. but it makes you feel like shit.

"I haven't used the Force since that night." You don't directly answer his question but you don't need to.

"I see."

Luke strokes his beard. He's thinking about what he should say next, that much is clear. You're not sure what else he could possibly ask of you or say to you. You've said more to him than anyone else about Ben.

"Aside from being hurt over the way things ended, was there another reason you hid from him?"

Well, that was an unexpected question.

"At first, it was just because I was hurt. I knew him well enough to know once he realized I was gone, he would come after me and even though part of me wanted that, the other part of me, the rational part of me knew how important it was for him to train with you. I thought once he finished training with you, maybe we'd see each other again. I don't usually believe in things like 'fate,' but I think I met Han for a reason. I think I was meant to be with Ben even if it was only for a little while. If that's true, I figured our paths would cross again. I just didn't think it would be under the current circumstances."

It's silent for long enough that BD starts shuffling from one foot to the other next to Luke's holo.

"That first night he had that nightmare, I saw a glimpse of his mind, I heard the voice. It wasn't Ben's inner monologue. It sounded...dark. After he told me he'd heard it for as long as he could remember, I made him promise to tell you. Do you know who it was or why he was hearing it?"

Luke purses his lips. You can't tell whether he's pissed or annoyed but you're thinking a little bit of both.

"I've been looking into it for quite a while. I have my suspicions but I don't have a solid answer. I will handle it once I know for sure."

"Alright. I'm just...I'm glad you helped him with that. He'd been struggling with it for longer than I think I would have been able to. I could tell it was starting to take a toll on him. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

You glance around Luke's holo to look at your ship's navigational system. You should be arriving at the Wheel shortly.

"Is there anything else you can tell me? Anything at all that may be helpful before I disconnect us?"

Luke nods. "The Force has always been a part of you, whether you knew it or not. I understand why you shied away from it but that's no longer necessary. Open yourself up to it. Welcome it. Having the ability to use the Force is rare, being as strong with it as you are is even rarer. You hid away because of your need to be alone. Well, you don't need to be alone anymore and you don't want to be. Let it guide you. Trust it. If the Force wants you to find Ben, you will. Something tells me that's exactly what it has in store. Like you said, fate."

"Fate," you repeat back to him.

He nods once and you reach for the comlink to end the transmission.

"May the Force be with you," Luke says and his holo disappears.

* * *

The Wheel is a space station the size of a small city located past the Mid Rim, near Hutt Space. As the name implies, the station itself resembles a massive rotating ring, lined with luxury docking piers, promenades, service droids, and attendants to take care of your every need.

Historically it's where the rich and powerful spend their time. High profile spice dealers, slave traders, smugglers, crime bosses, and of course, bounty hunters. The more well-known you are and how many credits you have, determine whether or not you are considered royalty aboard the ship.

You happen to be of notoriety amongst the other criminals and outlaws even though on paper you've technically never broken a law. After spending time with Leia, you make sure to never cross that line and instead tiptoe around it. You can't be arrested for murder if there's no witnesses and nobody. You can't be arrested for a crime if there's no proof you committed it.

Lando taught you that, and oddly enough, so did Leia...minus the murder part.

Aside from the casinos, the luxury, and the entertainment, the Wheel was popular for one other reason, the Arena.

The Arena is located in the central hub of the ship on the lower level which is reserved for the regular patrons, the ones with loose morals and nothing to lose. A variety of events regularly take place there. Sometimes slaves are forced to fight to the death or for their freedom. Other times, matches would be held for notoriety and credits, depending on the parameters of the match.

You've taken part in a variety of fights held in the arena, usually because whoever was in charge had information you needed and would only part with it if you entered the competition. Although you've always come out on top, you very rarely left without gaining a scar or two.

It wouldn't be the first place you would've thought to look for Ben, but you could see the appeal from multiple angles. On one hand, Ben Solo is disgustingly wealthy. His parents are war heroes and his mother is royalty, it comes with the territory. Although he hasn't made quite a name for himself, due to spending a majority of his time with Luke, it would only be a matter of time before the son of Han Solo and the Princess of Alderaan would become as infamous as his parents. Ben's ego is too big to stay under the radar, at least it was in public. For this reason, you can see him being drawn to the luxury aspect of the Wheel.

However, Ben is not one to flaunt his wealth. If you didn't know who his parents are, on looks alone, you wouldn't know he was rich necessarily. The way he carried himself suggested as much. The way his hair is naturally perfect and how well dressed he always was also suggested it though.

The other angle is the criminal side. Being the son of a smuggler meant he was well aware of the kind of dealings that happened across the universe. Once he started looking for you he had to have found out what you had been up to since the last time you spoke. You're sure he must have heard about you from someone if Zorii didn't divulge your employment history.

If that's the case, if he knew what you were doing, it wouldn't be improbable to check the Wheel. Either way, the probability Ben has visited was high, the probability he was still there was low. Hopefully, you'll at least be able to get a better idea of where you should look next.

* * *

As you approach the wheel, an incoming transmission is wired through to your ship.

"Welcome to the Wheel! Space may be freezing, but here the action is hot! At the Wheel, no one gets left out in the cold! Please be prepared to provide us with your ship's information as well as your name. By entering your ship into our system, we can ensure it is in safe hands while you enjoy all the amenities the Wheel has to offer."

"Oh shit," you mumble.

It's been a few years since visiting the floating luxury resort and casino. Apparently, during that time some things have changed. Usually, you dock the ship and go about your business. 

However, you usually aren't in your own ship and you usually dock whatever shitty ship you've managed to steal in the lower level hangar. Having a bit of a personal attachment to your ship, there is no way you are leaving it in the lower level. Very rarely are ships still docked or in one piece when docked there. Too impatient to make any stops, you hadn't thought about commandeering a ship for the trip. 

You haven't even found Ben yet he's already clouding your mind and impairing your judgment.

You steer your ship towards the Wheel until it locks onto you and pulls your ship into the hangar on the upper-level.

"BD, how long would it take you to change the ship's registration information?"

The droid hops onto the dashboard and extends a small keylike device from his side and inserts it into a port on the control panel. It only takes a few seconds to remove his arm and dash your hopes of getting through the Wheel under the radar.

"Yeah, we don't have a few hours. I guess we'll have to improvise. Honestly, after all these years, I've never even considered changing that information. We've never taken it anywhere it was needed."

While the ship is being pulled into the hangar, you walk back to the captain's quarters and grab your belt and your jacket. Once on, you holster your blaster and hook Leia's lightsaber to your belt.

BD beeps at you and gestures toward the drawer where you kept a variety of weapons and tech you've acquired during your travels.

"You think I should take something else with me?"

He nods.

"Alright, tell me what else you think we'll need." You point to each item in the drawer one by one until he beeps at you to stop.

"Really? You think I'll need this of all things?" He does his version of a shrug.

The device in your hand is called a Parasite and it is the size of a large coin. You've only used it once but when you did it was extremely helpful. 

There is a small button on the side and when it's pressed, sharp hooks extend and sink into the target's skin, all the way through to the muscle, making it nearly impossible to remove.

The only way to remove a Parasite without causing serious bodily harm is by using the small remote that accompanies it. The remote is encrypted and can only be used after entering a specific numerical sequence.

A Parasite has one purpose, to keep someone in line.

The wearer cannot get more than twenty feet away from whoever controls it. When they do, the Parasite starts to beep a warning. The further they get, the faster it beeps. It sends a series of high voltage, painful shocks to the captive if the warnings are ignored. You're not sure exactly how strong the voltage is but it's powerful enough to cripple someone almost instantly. If the captive somehow manages to fight back, the intensity of the shocks can increase to the point of death. 

From what you've been told, that has only happened a handful of times.

If the captive is cooperative the warning beeps will stop, letting them know they're no longer in danger of being punished. There was one more caveat to a Parasite. If the person in control dies, so does the person wearing it. This was created to prevent the person in control from being killed in order for the captive to regain their freedom.

You've only used it once but when you did, it was extremely effective. You even managed to get some sleep while your captive was in the same room.

There was one feature you haven't had the opportunity to try. With the press of a button you have the ability to block the captive from accessing the Force if the captive happened to be a Force user.

Since Ben, and now Luke, are the only Force users you know of, you've never had a reason to use it but it makes you feel a little better knowing it's an option, should you need it.

You can't imagine you'll be needing something so intense while searching for clues but it's better to be safe than sorry you suppose.

"Will it make you feel better if I keep it with me?"

BD nods.

"Okay, on the belt it goes. Are you ready?"

The droid nods again. You crouch low enough for him to hop onto your back. The ship shakes slightly once it's fully docked in the Wheel's top hangar.

"Under the jacket, or over it? I'm okay with whatever you choose just make sure you are aware of your surroundings. Last time we were here someone tried to take you from me."

As BD climbs onto his usual spot, you ask your trusty droid to make a decision for you.

"You heard everything Luke said right?"

He beeps an acknowledgment.

"I know you don't know that much about the Force but I think you know enough to give me your opinion. Should I stop blocking it out now? I feel like this is something I need to decide before we leave our ship. What do you think?"

Your droid stays quiet for a moment but his little lenses zoom in and out while he considers the question. A long sequence of beeps leaves him as he starts to give you an unnecessarily long answer. 

The short version of his answer, yes. 

For the first time in years, you close your eyes and concentrate on the Force, on letting it flow through you as Luke advised. The Force is all around you and all it takes is a bit of awareness, a bit of attention, for it to be back in your control. You gasp at the intensity at which it comes back to you.

BD hooks himself onto the outside of your jacket, near your right shoulder. "You know the drill," you whisper to your droid as you lower the ramp to your ship. He lowers himself against your shoulder as much as possible and stays still. Aside from his lenses moving, if you weren't paying attention it would look like you had on an oddly angled metal backpack.

A painfully cheery woman with lavender colored skin and white, pale hair, is waiting for you at the end of the ramp. You're not sure what race she is but she's extremely pretty. Her eyes are an off shade of blue and a bit bigger than a human's, but her proportions distract from that. The tight skirt and lowcut shirt she's wearing makes it clear you're in the upper-class part of the ship.

"Hello! Welcome to the Wheel! Is it your first time staying with us? I'm not seeing a ship of this make and model anywhere in our system." She slides her finger across her datapad, quickly skimming the information she has, and looking for your ship.

Shit.

"Uh...yes I've been here a few times, just never with this ship."

"Okay, perfect! We're happy to have you back."

She smiles and lifts her datapad in your direction, you're about to duck out of the way when she aims it at your ship and taps her screen.

"It says here your starship is registered to a human male by the name of Ben Solo. Lovely, I'll just enter this information into the system and—"

Shit. Shit. Shit.

"You don't need to enter my ship's information into the system. I'm supposed to be meeting someone and I'm in quite a bit of a hurry," you say politely as you take a step towards her.

You don't want to hurt her. Maybe if you offer her enough credits she'll conveniently forget to enter Ben's information.

Her eyes never leave the datapad as she taps the screen. 

You grab her by the arm, startling her. Her eyes quickly meet yours and her lips part in shock.

"You don't need to enter my ship's information into the system," you say through gritted teeth, hoping she'll feel threatened enough to do as you say.

Her demeanor changes instantly. She straightens her back, standing up completely straight, and her eyes seem to go out of focus like she's looking at something in the distance.

"I don't need to enter your ship's information into the system," she says, emotionlessly.

You quickly release her arm and take a step back.

Did...did you just use the Force? If so, it came back to you fast and with a vengeance. Ben had mentioned being able to influence weak-minded individuals with the Force but you had never tried it on your own.

You have a feeling this visit is going to be a lot more eventful than the last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...we may have stolen the Grimtaash from Ben. I guess you'll have to wait and see.
> 
> I know the events in the past are vague so far. I'm sure you guys can get a fairly good idea of what went down. Everything will be explained in due time. 
> 
> Yes, I did still Anakin's lines about attachment. I didn't mean to almost replicate the scene between him and Padme but that's where my mind went so don't at me.
> 
> The Wheel is an actual ship. I didn't make it up on my own. It is indeed a floating luxury resort and casino. I made up the rest.
> 
> I feel like this story isn't as good as my last two. 
> 
> I'm hoping to make it shorter than my others because I'm really excited to write the follow-up to Save Me A Spark but before I can, I have to finish this one. 
> 
> Not because I don't want to have ANOTHER WIP but because some of the events that take place in this fic will play a part in the sequel, which I still haven't named yet.


	4. Blindside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it's obvious, but just in case it isn't:  
> Anything in italics is a flashback to something that happened in the past.

* * *

_'Cause you won't see me coming  
_ _But you're gonna know when I show up  
_ _Gonna make your head spin make you listen  
_ _Yeah you will know my name  
_ _From the shadow to the spotlight  
_ _From the background to the front lines  
_ _I'm a fire about to ignite, out of nowhere  
_ _I'm gonna hit you in your blindside  
  
_ _Icon For Hire - Blindside_

* * *

The Wheel seems to have gone through a bit of an upgrade since the last time you visited years ago. The upper level is cleaner and shinier in an effort to conceal the criminal activities that take place in the lower level. If you weren't familiar with the large ship, you would think it was only a luxury ship and nothing else.

Not wasting any time, you and BD make your way to the hidden elevator towards the back of the upper level. Once there, you enter a code and hope they haven't changed it since the last time you visited. After a nerve-wracking second of silence, the elevator doors slide open, you breathe a sigh of relief, and enter the elevator.

The moment the doors open on the lower level, you realize finding information on Ben is going to be a lot harder than you thought. The halls are bustling with people of different races and species, coming from and heading to various destinations. Loud cheering and yelling can be heard in the distance, indicating the arena is currently packed with people eager to see some bloodshed. 

You're internally cursing yourself for not asking Poe for more information on who tipped him off. By his long-drawn-out explanation, it sounded like he had no idea but still, it would have been smart to ask.

"I have no idea where to even start," you whisper to BD. You can hear his lenses as they slightly shift, scanning the area.

When you step into the corridor, part of someone's conversation catches your attention. You quickly turn on your heels and walk behind the large, blue-skinned Chagrian man, and the companion he's speaking to, an equally as large Quarren man.

"Yeah man, I'm telling you that dude is a kriffing monster. I've been here a few days and he's mowed through every single opponent. I guarantee he didn't even break a sweat. It's actually kriffing terrifying."

"I'm eager to see if his skills are as impressive as everyone says. What's the prize for today's matches?"

The two rounded a corner and turned down another corridor to their right. The further they walk, the louder the audience in the arena grows.

"Not sure. The past few days it's credits but if the fight is good, Rotta usually lets the winner make a request."

You stop mid-step.

Rotta the Hutt is currently holding matches in the arena.

The Hutt's and Ben have both spent time on the same ship, maybe even at the same time.

Fear and dread nearly knock you off your feet with how quickly you're overwhelmed by it. Not fear for your own life, but for Ben's.

To your knowledge, the Hutt clan has no idea how close you are with Han Solo and the Skywalker's, their sworn enemy ever since Jabba's death by their hands. You've interacted with the Hutt's a handful of times since meeting Han and they've never shown any indication that they held animosity towards you. That's at least in your favor. You'll be able to speak to him and feel things out to see if maybe he does know something about Ben without being suspicious.

BD beeps quietly to get your attention. You glance up and notice the two men you've been listening to are now too far away to overhear. Walking briskly, but staying far enough to not draw suspicion, you catch up.

Your mind starts racing again. Was Ben here and the Hutts found him? When he was here was his identity known or did he keep to himself? Did he make it known that he was looking for you?

When you hear one of the men say your name, your head snaps up so fast you nearly give yourself whiplash.

"Yeah, I heard someone say they saw her ship in the hangar on the upper-level. I hope she's here. She's a kriffing beast in the arena too. If anyone can beat that freak in the pit, it's her."

The blood drains from your face. You didn't want to draw attention to yourself this time. You wanted to get information and leave. Who the hell recognized your ship?

"I've heard her name mentioned in passing, not just here. She's a bounty hunter, yeah? One of the best supposedly. I don't kriffing buy it."

The blue-skinned man snorts. "You can talk shit because you've never seen her in person. Once you see her in action, Kren, I guarantee you'll change your mind."

"Why is everyone up her ass all the time? The shit people say makes her sound like a damn myth."

"Aside from her body count, it's who trained her, and who she lived with."

There was a beat of silence as the men rounded another corner. You quickly pull your hood over your head far enough that it hangs slightly over your forehead.

"Well, you gonna say who trained her or you just gonna leave me hanging, Dax?" the large Quarren asks with irritation.

"No point. You wouldn't believe me if I told ya."

"Kriffing spit it out before I throw your ass in the arena."

The Chagrian man, Dax, makes a deep rumbling sound which you assume is laughter based on the way his shoulders are shaking.

"She lived with Lando Calrissian for a few years. While there she spent time with a Mandalorian, a Clawdite, and am Trandoshan."

_The only time you've seen Lando Calrissian in person was when you helped Han steal the Falcon back for him. You're not sure whether or not Lando noticed you like Han and Chewie did, so a part of you is nervous. If he confronts you what will you say? Your knee bounces nervously as you go over possible scenarios in your head._

_"Hi, yes, I'm the one that stole a ton of your credits after I started a bar fight in order to distract you. Oh, I'm also the reason Han was able to successfully take the Falcon before you could. I might have stabbed or shot a few of your men, I can't remember. So anyways, which room is mine?"_

_Shaking off your nerves, you land the Grimtaash in the hangar Han instructed you to. Before you can even get out, a number of guards enter the hangar, blasters trained right at the ramp. You debate whether or not to say kriff this and leave, or take your chances and exit the ship._

_Han wouldn't send you here if it was some sort of trap. From what Ben told you, Lando is his uncle, and he's quite fond of him. Whether Lando knows the full extent of your relationship with the youngest Solo or not, he wouldn't betray them._

_You grab the bag with your belongings and BD's parts in it and lower the ramp. With your head held high, hoping to hide your anxiety, you walk down the ramp._

_"Stand down! I don't pay you to point your blasters at my guests!" a loud voice says from behind the guards. They disperse, making way for a very well dressed Lando Calrissian._

_"Hey, kid!" Lando chuckles as he approaches you. He pulls you in for a hug as if he's known you your entire life._

_"Hi," you say, a little uncomfortable and completely unprepared for such a warm welcome._

_"Even though we've never actually met, because of how much I've heard about you, I already consider you family."_

_Lando releases you and takes a step back, afraid he came off too strong._

_He reminds you of Han and the thought makes you smile._

_Lando smiles back. "Follow me, let me show you around."_

_He turns and walks towards the exit of the hangar. You quickly close your ship's ramp and follow after him. As you trail behind him, Lando points out various rooms and amenities his home has to offer. The list is long and you know for a fact there's no way you're going to remember anything he's saying._

_When you come to a stop in front of an open door, he gestures for you to enter the room. The large office has wall to wall windows, giving you an incredible view of the clouds surrounding you._

_Lando sits behind a large desk and gestures for you to sit across from him. You set your bag next to the chair and relax into it. Thankfully there isn't any awkward silence because he gets straight to the point._

_"Han told me you needed a place to stay."_

_You sigh. "Not exactly. Han knew I was leaving Chandrila and he didn't want me wandering the galaxy alone. He made me promise to come straight here to stay with you for a bit. I kept my promise, I'm here. I don't have to stay. I was just stopped to keep my promise. Which I've done so I can—"_

_Lando chuckles. "Of course, I can't keep you here if you want to leave. I will also tell Solo you kept your end of the bargain and stayed a while. But I could use your help if you did decide to stay."_

_You cock an eyebrow, both curious and suspicious of what Lando Calrissian could possibly need your help with._

_"Han's told me you don't shy away from violence and you have hands-on experience in a variety of areas like starting bar fights to distract a room full of drunks, stealing credits, and successfully accosting the Millenium Falcon."_

_You would normally be uncomfortable by someone calling you out on all the ways you've wronged them but the look in Lando's eyes suggests he's actually impressed._

_"To be fair, I had help taking the Falcon, but yes, I've been known to dabble in a variety of areas." you shrug and smirk._

_"Excellent! You stick with me kid and I'll make sure we tack on some more skills to your already impressive list."_

_"Like what?"_

_"You've seen the crowds Han and I tend to run in. They come in and out of here usually asking for a favor or are cashing in one. Bounty hunters, spice runners, smugglers, spies, you name it. A lot of them owe me one. As you can see," he gestures around his office and the large window. "I don't need credits or anything they can buy."_

_"Are you saying you'll cash in your favors on me? So I can be trained in even sketchier areas?"_

_"That's exactly what I'm saying."_

_You bite the inside of your cheek. It sounds too good to be true but Han's offer back on Abregado-Rae did too. They didn't take advantage of you or betray you in any way. Why would Lando?_

_"Okay, I'll help you do shady shit and you help me learn how to do other shady shit. Deal?"_

_Lando laughs, claps his hands once in amusement, and holds his hand out to you. You smile and shake his hand then realize there's one more condition you need to address before you get comfortable._

_"I have one condition."_

_"Name it."_

_"No one can know I'm here and by no one I mean Ben. If he stops here or contacts you in any way, you tell him you haven't seen me. Han's the only one that knows I'm here and I want to keep it that way."_

_Han told Lando there was a falling out between you and Ben. He has no intention of asking any questions. That's your business and if you feel like sharing it with him, you will. He'll feel bad lying to his nephew but it's your choice. He's not going to scare you off by refusing to keep his mouth shut._

_"If anyone asks, you were never here."_

_Brow furrowed, unsure if you should be asking Ben's uncle to lie to him, you turn away from Lando and stare out the large window overlooking the clouds._

_Lando, sensing a shift in your mood, quickly stands and walks to the door._

_"Come on, kid."_

_"Where are we going?" You stand, pick up your bag, and follow him out of his office._

_"To give you a tour and show you your room"_

"What a load of bantha shit." Kren laughs loudly, bringing your attention back to the task at hand and not your memories. "Mandalorians don't train anyone but their own kind."

"I knew you wouldn't believe me," Dax says. "If she's here, maybe we'll get lucky and she'll go a round in the pit."

When you get to the large double doors leading to the arena, the men disappear into the crowd. The circular room funnels down to the fighting pit. Regardless of where you sit or stand, due to the stadium-style seating and the shape of the room, everyone can get an unobstructed view of the carnage taking place below.

When you first enter the room you follow the traffic lining the ring and watch as various people walk down the steps leading to the seating area, greeting each other as they find a seat.

Not bothering to look at the current fight taking place, you follow the flow of the crowd, scanning the room for a familiar face, hoping you'll get lucky. Your eyes land on the crime boss responsible for today's matches, Rotta the Hutt. He's angled slightly, listening to something one of his minions is whispering in his ear.

BD quietly beeps into your ear when he spots a familiar face that you happened to miss.

At least thirty feet above where you're standing is a large tinted window. On the other side of it is where the 'bookie' droids watch the fights. They keep track of who is winning to ensure they know the outcome when people arrive to cash in on their bets. In the window, you see the faint outline of a familiar KX-security droid, K-AS2.

To make him feel more like a person, instead of a machine, you started calling him Kas, which he seems to enjoy, even though tries to hide it. Each time you've visited the Wheel, you and BD make sure you stop by and say hi.

There's a good chance he might actually be able to help you

"Good job BD."

You turn back the way you came and re-enter the corridor. Once there, you walk until you find the stairwell that leads you to the secured room dedicated to handling credits fairly and without incident. As you enter the room, you look around and gauge how safe it is to speak to Kas in public.

Thankfully, because of the current match taking place, the room is virtually empty.

"Long time no see, Kas."

The KX droid quickly turns around and tips his head to you.

"Yes, it has been a long time," he responds formally.

Your eyes dart between him and the protocol droid next to him. It's currently counting the credits they've collected from the bets placed on the current round.

Kas nods minutely, approaches the droid from behind, and quickly presses on something at the back of its neck.

It freezes in place with credits in its hand, completely immobilized.

"Is...did you deactivate it completely?" you ask Kas while staring at the seemingly dead droid.

"No, he is merely in sleep mode. I assumed, based on your rapid eye movement, that you did not want to be overheard. Did I assume correctly or have you developed an eye condition since the last time you were here?"

"You assumed correctly." you chuckle.

"What brings you to this wonderful part of the ship this time? Although you usually stop by just to 'shoot the shit,' as you like to say. Your appearance suggests you are trying to remain inconspicuous. You're not here because you enjoy my conversation skills."

"Of course I enjoy our talks, but you're right, that's not why I'm here this time. I'm hoping you have some information for me. I know how much you overhear on a daily basis."

"This is true, I hear a variety of things that would cause most droids to short circuit. What information do you seek?"

Glancing around the room once more, you lean in closer to him and whisper. "I'm looking for Ben Solo. He's been missing for a little over a year. When I say missing I mean he vanished completely. The only tip I've gotten so far is that he was seen here within the last year. I have no idea how credible the information is but I have nothing else to go on and to be honest, it's starting to stress me out."

Kas stares at you then at BD who beeps quiet reassurances in your ear.

Although he hasn't seen you in quite a while, the times you've visited the Wheel you've stopped to converse with him and not just because you need information or assistance in some way.

You're always confident and have a presence that exhumes superiority. You're dangerous and it's important you make that clear. To see you so unsure of your current job unnerves him, as much as a droid can be unnerved. It's clear, whatever task you've been given is different, it's personal.

Kas doesn't say anything but the white lights of his eyes begin to pulsate slowly and his posture straightens as he stares straight ahead. You're not sure what he's doing but you're praying he's scanning his memory for anything that might relate to Ben.

"Doing a search of my memory I did find several mentions of Ben Solo within the last year."

Don't get your hopes up.

You swallow hard as you mentally repeat that phrase, hoping that if you say it enough, you'll listen.

"Anything that can help me find him?"

"Possibly, however, you're not going to like it."

Sighing, you rub your hands over your face. "Of course I won't. That's just how things work for me. Lay it on me."

"Months ago there were whispers about the son of Han Solo. Apparently, he was looking for someone and had heard she had stopped here."

He tilts his head slightly, watching your facial expressions to determine whether or not you already know Ben was looking for you.

"Stop looking at me like that. I know he was looking for me and I already feel bad about it. I would gladly explain everything if I had the time and we could go somewhere private but I don't have the time and you're working."

Thankfully, Kas nods once and moves on.

"Do you remember the dates? Maybe who was running things in the arena that day if you can remember," you ask, praying someone will throw you a bone and give you one tiny piece of information that you can go on.

"Yes, I remember the dates. May I make a suggestion?"

"As long as it's encouraging or helpful."

Kas leans down, nearly eye level and if you didn't know the droid you'd probably take a step back.

"There are cameras scattered throughout the ship, in nearly every room. They are monitored constantly via a control center not too far from here. To my knowledge, the video footage is stored for quite some time. Send BD to acquire it. He has a higher chance of successfully sneaking around without being caught than you do."

You glance over your shoulder at BD, waiting to see whether or not he's okay with that, even though you know for a fact he's always eager to help.

"And you," Kas says suddenly. You quickly turn your attention back to him.

"You need to fight in the arena and speak to Rotta"

"What?" you nearly yell then wince when you realize how loud you were.

"For someone that doesn't want to draw attention to themselves, you're-"

"Yes, yes, I know I suck at life. Let's go back to the ridiculous suggestion you just had."

"I do not think you suck at life. Actually, if you review your accomplishments, although extremely bloody, you-"

"Kas, focus."

"We will eventually discuss why you do not suck at life."

You sigh and bring your hands to your hips.

"Why would I fight in the arena? I can't ask just march up to Rotta and ask him about Han Solo's son! If he knows anything he's not going to tell me and if he did, there's no way to know whether or not he's actually telling the truth. That's a horrible plan. You're insane if you think that will actually work."

"I am not insane. Although given the situations I consistently find myself in, I should be. I don't expect you to march up to Rotta and demand answers. The winner of the current event has the option to choose their prize. The slaves want their freedom but a majority of fighters want credits. However, there are a few who entered because they seek information and believe Rotta has it."

"Why would he be truthful? And who's to say he'll honor his word when he finds out the information I'm seeking pertains to the Solo's?"

"Because everyone in the arena will know what your request is if you win. He does his best to maintain his appearance. If word got out that he either lied or didn't follow through with awarding the winner their prize, people will stop fighting in the arena because they won't trust him. His notoriety would be shot and he'd lose out on a lot of credits."

Well damn. Kas figured all of this out in minutes.

"Additionally," Kas continues, "I would like to caution you. You're the best fighter I've seen in quite some time and you're one of the only people that have fought in the pit multiple times and survived. That being said, there is a new competitor that fights just as well as you do and is just as dangerous. He's undefeated. If you enter the pit, it will eventually come down to the two of you."

"Is this the new bounty hunter everyone is talking about?" you ask as you consider your options.

Cheering and booing suddenly fill the arena behind Kas. He quickly turns to the window and stares down at the pit then comes back to the counter and begins counting credits.

"Yes, it is."

"Great. Well, I guess I don't really have any other choice. That seems to be my best bet. That and if BD happens to find anything in the security footage."

You can hear multiple people speaking as they climb the stairs. Kas quickly taps the protocol droid next to him on the back of his neck. It begins moving as if nothing happened, continuing its original task. Kas turns his back to you, grabs a piece of paper, and a pen, and writes something down.

He glances between the entrance where a crowd of people has appeared, eager to collect on the bets they made, and back to you. He quickly leans down, puts the small piece of paper in your palm, and leans down.

"Should you have difficulty in the arena, I'm sure your droid will figure out a way to assist you," he whispers, quickly stands up straight, and begins gathering credits once more.

You take a step away from the counter, making room for the people approaching Kas and the other droid. He glances at you once more and you nod at him, expressing your gratitude. He nods once then gestures towards the door with his chin. You smile and leave the room.

Once down the corridor, you whisper to BD.

"Are you sure you want to do this? I won't blame you if you don't want to. I'm going to have to enter the pit either way. Whatever you find will be helpful but we'll need more to find Ben."

BD quietly beeps to assure you. You unfold the small piece of paper Kas gave you and show it to him, assuming he'll need the information as much as you do. There is a five-digit numerical passcode scribbled in the middle and above it is a date range.

Once your sure your droid has committed the information to memory, you fold it back up and slide it into your back pocket.

You glance around the corridor to make sure you're far enough from the arena to not be seen. Satisfied with how the few people nearby aren't paying attention to you, you crouch down slightly.

"When you're done, whatever happens, don't come looking for me. Meet me at the ship."

BD reluctantly agrees and quickly hops off of your shoulder. He disappears around the corner so quickly he may as well have teleported.

Sighing, you mentally prepare yourself for whatever awaits you in the pit.

* * *

It's not hard to find the Twi'lek responsible for organizing the matches. He knows who you are and the smile that spreads across his face makes you roll your eyes. Within minutes news will spread that you're there and going to fight.

Kas is going to have his handsful with the influx of bets he's about to receive. You know you bring in more credits whenever you fight so the man's reaction isn't unexpected.

"What would you request of Rotta, should you win?" the Twi'lek asks. His datapad is in his hands ready to enter whatever your response is.

"Information. I'm looking for someone."

"And who exactly are you looking for?" the man asks while cocking an eyebrow.

"That's between me and Rotta. Do you need anything else from me or can I go to the waiting area and patiently await my turn to meet my untimely demise?"

The man frowns at your sarcasm and gestures towards the dark archway that leads to the waiting area.

The energy in the waiting room always makes you more nervous than the actual fight. Unfortunately, you have no other option but to sit with everyone and wait until they call your name.

There are always two types of people in the waiting area, anxious people on the verge of a mental breakdown, and assholes. The anxious ones are usually either forced to fight by whoever owns them or are in desperate need of something Rotta has to offer and as an act of desperation have decided to take their chances in the pit.

The other type are usually large men of various species who tower over you and do their best to intimidate you with their size alone. Usually, they'll either talk down to you, implying none of the things they've heard about you are true due to your small frame.

If that doesn't get a reaction out of you, they sometimes try to fight you before you even get out to the pit. Unfortunately, the more common reaction is of a sexual nature. Lewd comments and a few brave individuals who actually attempt to touch you. They usually leave with broken hands, rendering them defenseless the moment it's their turn to fight. You'd think out of all the rumors regarding your reputation that the "she'll break your hands if you touch her" one would spread but alas, it has not.

Out of the two types of people, you prefer the latter. You're used to being talked down to and underestimated and it usually doesn't take them long to realize their mistake. You're much better at throwing a fist then whispering calm but false reassurances into someone's ear.

Choosing a spot at the far end of the room, you lean against the wall and cross your arms over your chest, hoping to blend in so people will leave you alone.

That lasts exactly ten seconds.

You close your eyes, take a deep breath, then release it, mentally preparing yourself for the warm-up you're about to have when you're inevitably approached.

"It's true then?" a very tall man says as he approaches you with his arms crossed. Once he's standing directly in front of you, hovering over you with a smirk, he stops. "I heard people whispering that you were here but I wanted to see for myself. You're a pretty little thing, aren't you? There's no way all the rumors are true," he smirks and lowers his hand towards you as if to touch your hair.

"If you touch me, you'll find out just how true they are," you say through gritted teeth as you grab his wrist when he reaches out his hand.

He scowls in your grasp and before he can pull away you forcefully shove him back a step. Two more men stand up but your name is called before they have a chance to approach you.

You smile sweetly at the men before leaving the room to speak with the twi'lek.

"Do you know how tonight's events are playing out?" he asks while scrolling through his datapad.

"Nope."

"Process of elimination. The winner moves on to the next round. Last two standing face-off. You're the last one to enter. It's you against this lot. The other competitor already mowed through his group. Once you win, which you inevitably will," the man sighs as if the thought of you surviving has inconvenienced him in some way, "you'll have only one match after that. Whoever survives wins the prize."

You glance over your shoulder at the group of men huddled in the waiting area. The larger ones are looking at you with either lust or murder in their eyes, one of them even has the audacity to lick his lips. You roll your eyes and look at the other men who are practically shaking; they're so nervous.

"Alright, when do we start?" you ask, impatient to get things over with so you can get your information and leave.

* * *

It's no surprise to you when they have you fight the anxious fighters first, knowing it will build anticipation among the crowd, which it does. You 'eliminated' them within minutes.

At the entrance to the pit, there is a rack that consists of barbaric weapons like spears, swords, and axes. Everyone grabs a weapon when they enter and they usually don't have a chance to change their mind.

Having trained with a lightsaber, a sword would be the obvious way to go, but because of the size of the men you'll be facing, you decided to grab a double-sided spear.

_Ben grabs your wrist and squeezes it until you drop your knife. When you bring your other hand up to hit him, he blocks it and flips you around._

_"Tsk tsk tsk. What was your first mistake, sweetheart?" He whispers in your ear._

_One arm is pinned across your neck, applying enough pressure to keep your back pinned to his chest, but not enough to cut off your air supply. His other hand is holding your left arm behind your back, pinned in between your bodies._

_"I've made plenty of mistakes since agreeing to stay with your family. The biggest one is over six feet tall, force-sensitive, and annoying. You'll have to be more specific," you sneer while trying to pry his arm off of your neck with your right hand._

_You can feel the vibrations against your back as he laughs._

_"You're affinity for knives is going to get you in trouble. You're currently using a short-range weapon when you should be using a long-range one. When your opponent is bigger than you, they'll likely have a far longer reach which means they'll be able to grab you or hit you without getting too close to you. The further you are from them the better."_

_"But I like knives," you whine and he laughs even more._

_"I think we both know that I of all people am quite aware of that."_

_Even though you're stuck in his hold, he's not even trying to take the 'training' he insisted you do, seriously. He nuzzles into the crook of your neck and the side of your face. The fact that you're struggling to get free and he's not even breaking a sweat, pisses you off._

_"If you insist on using a knife, throw it, don't purposely approach your enemy," he says against your cheek. "What good would a knife do in your current situation? I've got you trapped and I've disarmed you. How would you get yourself free?"_

_"You always say I'm unpredictable."_

_"Yes, but what does—"_

_You lean forward then slam the back of your head into his face. His grip on you slackens and you take the opportunity to reach behind you and grab the small knife you always keep tucked into your waistband, near your lower back. By the time he straightens and shakes off the pain, you're standing in front of him with the knife at his throat._

_"You're ruthless," he says, licking the blood from his lower lip. "I love it."_

The Twi'lek gestures for you to go to him while he stands against the wall of the pit with his stupid datapad.

The audience in the arena is talking all at once making it impossible to discern who is cheering you on and who is wishing you'd die. All you hear is white noise in the background as you cross the blood-stained floor and stop in front of him.

"Yes?"

"Hand over your blaster." Expecting you to do what he says without question, he holds out his hand.

"Yeah, that's not going to happen." You cross your arms over your chest and wait for his response which will likely be a death threat.

You are very emotionally attached to your blaster and have no intention of handing it over to someone you don't trust in the slightest.

"Blasters are prohibited going forward."

"Good thing I have no intention of using it then."

The twi'lek narrows his eyes at you.

"Would you like to forfeit the match? Normally, there's only one way out of the pit but considering your...status...I'll make an exception and let you walk out of here. If that's what you choose you will not be getting your information. Please keep that in mind," he sneers.

Son of a bitch.

Reluctantly, you unsnap the strap across your blaster's handle and slowly remove it from the holster. You're about to place it in his hands when you stop and glare at him.

"You know who I am which means you know I don't make empty threats. If anything happens to this blaster, whether it's your doing or not, I will kill you. I expect it back in my hand before the last body hits the ground. Understand?"

You don't bother waiting for his answer and you place your blaster in his hand.

"Who's to say the last body that hits the ground won't be yours?"

The twi'lek smiles then turns his back on you and walks out of the pit.

Maybe you'll kill him just for irritating you.

They decide to mix it up. Instead of the large men entering the pit one at a time, all three of them enter at once. It isn't the toughest fight you've been in. Of course, you walk away on top, albeit with a few cuts and a cheekbone that's definitely broken.

The fact that you didn't have to use the lightsaber clipped to your belt or the knives hidden in your gauntlets under your jacket is a testament to the lack of challenge you just faced.

There's only one challenger left and from the hush that's fallen over the crowd, you're assuming it's the mystery man you keep hearing about.

You're disappointed to see the tall hooded figure entering the pit has his face covered by a creepy black mask. Instead of looking into the eyes of your opponent, you're forced to look at a slitted chrome piece where his eyes should be.

You were expecting a much smaller man, one that could slink about in the shadows undetected. The man in front of you is tall, thick, and wide. Around his hips is a black belt with a holster that wraps around the thigh of his tight black pants. Your eyes continue upward as they travel over him. He's wearing a long sleeve tunic and black gloves, leaving not an inch of skin visible. The hood of his cowl drapes across his shoulders and down his back like a cloak. He grabs a sword from the weapons rack and walks toward you.

It's all very dramatic. It's understandable why people are making such a fuss about him.

The twi'lek doesn't bother announcing either of you as you circle one another. The masked man apparently wants to get straight to the point and end this as quickly as possible which is why he strikes first.

He swings the sword at his side with a roll of his wrist, as if getting used to the weight of it in his hand, then lifts it to the right and swings it towards you.

You easily jump back, out of his reach, and take in his stance and the way he carries himself to get a better idea of how he moves.

_"Usually I have an advantage over you due to my ability to excel at virtually anything I set my mind to and how extensive my experience is compared to yours in every aspect of life. But at the moment, I'm at a disadvantage, why?_

_You and Ben circle one another in the courtyard behind the Solo's apartment on Chandrila._

_"You're annoying as kriff, you don't know how to keep your mouth shut, you're arrogant, you—"_

_"I'm sure the amount of redeeming qualities I have is making it hard for you to even fathom the idea that I might not have the upper-hand in any situation I find myself in. It's understandable, sweetheart. I have that effect on people," Ben smirks._

_You roll your eyes so hard you nearly give yourself a headache._

_"I'm bigger than you and that's not always a good thing. Being smaller than your enemy is an advantage. They will use their size and strength, thinking it's what will give them the upper hand. You have the advantage of being faster than them. It will be easier for you to dodge a punch or a weapon than it will be for them. Always size up your opponent before a fight to determine how they move and look for a weakness. Combine the two and you will have the upper hand. Additionally, don't be afraid to dodge. I know how much you enjoy being the aggressor but striking when you should be dodging can end the fight quickly."_

_You snort. "After bragging about how superior you are to me you basically just said I have the upper hand between the two of us. I've seen how you fight. You're domineering and you using your freakishly large body to back me into a corner or pin me against a wall."_

_"Yes, and how do you always...usually...manage to get away from me?"_

_Your lips part to respond then snap shut. You narrow your eyes when he smiles smugly._

_"Let's backtrack a bit. There's something you said that I'd like to discuss."_

_"And what would that be?"_

_You didn't say anything that could lead to a discussion so you're not sure what he wants to go over._

_Ben abandons his position across the courtyard and approaches you with a mischievous look in his eyes. When he's directly in front of you, he wraps his arm around your waist, pulls you against him, and pushes you back until you're pressed against the side of the building._

_"I think we should discuss my domineering behavior and my persistent need to pin you against a wall."_

The masked man is strong, frighteningly so, but you're faster than him. Considering how much power he's putting into each swing, it will only take one to end your life. Thankfully it's easy to dodge him but you know you can only dodge for so long. You're going to run out of energy before you can even make a move yourself.

Dropping to the ground, you dodge a violent swing that would have definitely cut you in two. Rolling to your side you get to your feet and twirl the spear with a roll of your wrist.

His mask must have some sort of voice modulator in it because his heavy breathing is distorted.

You're doing your best to hide how tired you already are but it's not working. The sweat on your brow and the way your shoulders rise and fall with each breath is giving you away. At least he's tired too.

Neither one of you has made any leeway. You strike him, he blocks it. He strikes you, you dodge it. You have to find a weakness before you're too tired to do anything about it.

The two of you start circling each other once again. Even though you can't see his eyes, you know for certain he's looking for a weakness as well.

The mask.

There's no way it doesn't obstruct his vision so why wear it while fighting? There has to be a reason for it. The cloak can be used against him too. You just need to get behind him.

As that thought crosses your mind, he charges. You bring your spear up the moment he brings down the sword. It hits the center of the spear hard enough to leave a dent in it. Your pulse spikes knowing if he hits it in the same spot it will likely snap in half and you will have to scramble to the weapons rack.

The impact each time your weapons meet sends a painful vibration up your arms due to how hard he is swinging the sword.

Like an idiot, you lose your footing as you take a step back and you fall backward. Half of the crowd gasps while the other cheers, thinking this is it for you. The moment you hit the ground, the man lifts the sword over his head with every intention of bringing it down on you.

_Ben crowds you, forcing you to step back quickly. Your right foot catches on your left one, and you fall backward. Leia's lightsaber slips out of your hand and falls to the ground, deactivating itself upon impact. Ben keeps advancing and raises his lightsaber over his head as if to bring it down on you. You see the opening and kick him hard in the shins._

_"Kriff!" he yells in pain and his legs buckle. You bring your hand back and punch him in the stomach. When he crouches over, you get to your feet, jump behind him, and kick him in the back of the knees this time._

_He curses again as his legs give out from under him and he falls forward. Using the Force, you call Leia's saber to your open hand and press the hilt against Ben's throat._

_He deactivates his saber and drops it to the ground._

_"If you wanted me on my knees all you had to do is ask, sweetheart."_

You kick the masked man in the knee caps as hard as you physically can, using the Force to increase the power behind the blow. His grip on the sword slackens, and his legs buckle. You jump to your feet but you miscalculate how close you are to him. You manage to kick the sword out of his hand but before you can make another move, his hand shoots toward you and wraps around your throat.

_"I've backed you into a corner and I've overpowered you. My hand is wrapped around your throat and not in a fun way," he winks._

_You glare at him and try to pull his fingers away with both of your hands. If it was a real fight you'd be screwed. He's too strong for you._

_"Stop glaring at me, focus on your surroundings, and consider how you can get out of this."_

_His grip never tightens, it never would, regardless of how long it takes you to figure out how to get free._

_You close your eyes and think. Your size and how fast you can move is an advantage, which the two of you have discussed. The knife you always carry with you isn't an option as he requested you train without weapons in case you were in the predicament you're currently in. Unpredictability is also something he always commends you on. Then there's the Force. Which you're both open to but have yet to use._

_When you open your eyes, he's already smiling at you, knowing you've figured it out. Anticipating you're about to attempt to break free, he squeezes a bit tighter, but not much._

_Instead of trying to pry his fingers off, you bring your right arm out, make a fist then swing it back onto his forearm as hard as you can, breaking his hold. Before he can reach for you again, you shove him backward a few feet, jump, wrap your legs around his neck, and flip him onto his back with a little help from the Force._

_He hits the ground hard enough to knock the air out of him._

_You roll away and get to your feet._

_"That's my girl," he coughs._

You bring your arms up and slam them down onto his forearms repeatedly. The metal bracers under your jacket will hurt a lot more than just your arms against his. When his grip falters, you pull your hand back and punch him straight in his tunic covered throat, right below the mask. He coughs and stumbles backward.

Quickly, you close the distance between you, jump, and wrap bring both of your legs around his neck. Instead of using the momentum to flip him the way you did with Ben, you pull yourself onto his back and stay perched on his shoulders, gripping his neck as tight as physically possible with your thighs.

Frantically, you look for a way to release the mask from his head. The moment he grabs your legs and starts prying them off of his neck, you find a latch. You unlatch the mask and grab the edge of it as it hisses and unlocks. He squeezes your shins hard enough that you cry out in pain and loosen the hold you have on him. The moment your hold on him weakens, he reaches back further, grabs you by the waist, and flips you onto the ground a few feet in front of him. His mask 'clinks' loudly when it falls to the ground next to you.

Gasping for air, you roll onto your stomach as quickly as possible, lift yourself onto your hands and knees and quickly scramble backward while you try to catch your breath.

The man in front of you is gasping for air as well due to the lack of oxygen he received when you had cut off his air supply with your thighs.

The hood has fallen over the back of his head and his black hair curtains his face, leaving his appearance still a mystery.

"You're tougher than I thought you'd be," you say in between the deep breaths you're taking.

The man's head jerks towards you. Murderous intent blazes in the familiar whiskey-colored eyes staring back at you.

Your breath hitches and your eyes widen.

"Ben?" you whisper.

He narrows his eyes and practically snarls.

"Who?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> So I only have one thing to say about Ben
> 
> Longing   
> Rusted  
> Seventeen   
> Daybreak   
> Furnace   
> Nine   
> Benign   
> Homecoming   
> One   
> Freight car
> 
> **  
> *******  
> **  
>  A KX security droid is what K-2SO from Rogue One is.
> 
> **  
> *******  
> **  
>  Also.
> 
> I tried SO hard to accurately describe the thigh choke flip move. 
> 
> If you need a visual:
> 
>   
> 


	5. MANTRA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is HEAVILY inspired by [ Parasite Eve by Bring Me The Horizon](https://open.spotify.com/track/36xBFaVGjqm7le8CTHytUj)
> 
> If I hadn't heard it before writing this chapter it would have gone a lot different. In my head the song starts when you leave the pit so if you'd like to get a sense of the vibe that I mentally pictured you should listen to the song. 
> 
> I never put song lyrics in my actual fics but I had to with this one.

* * *

And I know this doesn't make a lot of sense  
You know you gotta work the corners of your mind now  
All I'm asking for is a little bit of faith  
You know it's easy to believe  
Before the truth will set you free, it'll piss you off  
Before you find a place to be, you're gonna lose the plot  
Too late to tell you now, one ear and right out the other one  
Cause all you ever do is chant the same old mantra  
  
  
Bring Me The Horizon - MANTRA

* * *

"Ben?"

"Who?"

"What?"

It's the only response that comes to mind. Your brain has shut off, completely shocked at who you are staring at.

Apparently, he doesn't like your response because he growls, reaches for his belt, grabs his lightsaber, and ignites it while still crouched in front of you.

The sound snaps you out of your shock-induced stupor and you do the same with Leia's saber.

It's dangerous and stupid to let your guard down but you can't tear your eyes away from him. You're not staring at him like he's an enemy that's about to strike, like you should be. No, you're staring at him like you would when you find the person you've been looking for, the person you care about despite how hard you've tried not to.

For the most part, he looks the same just a lot larger, wider, and more hardened like he's been through a lot.

The biggest change in his appearance is the scar running from his forehead all the way past his jawline on the right side of his face.

His eyes are drawn to your lightsaber and yours are drawn to his. The look on his face suggests he's surprised to see another one instead of surprised that it's his mother's.

Your eyes are drawn to his because, like him, what you're seeing is not what you were expecting.

The blue of the blade is still as vibrant as ever but the hilt now has two side vents transforming it from a standard lightsaber into a crossguard.

"What do you mean who? Why are you trying to kill me? We may not have parted on the best terms, but damn."

You tighten your grip on the hilt, genuinely concerned he might lunge at you again.

He glares back at you, jaw clenched, and brow furrowed.

"Ben, what—"

"My name is Kylo Ren," he seethes.

_Maz's castle was huge and the woman was kinder than you could have ever imagined. Han and Chewie made a stop on Takodana to pick up some "precious cargo," on the way to Chandrila. She loaded you up with new clothes and a holster before you left. When you asked where she got the clothes she simply said "here and there" with a mischievous look on her face. After changing, you couldn't find Han or Chewie and decided to wait back on the ship._

_Now that you're back on the Falcon, you find the small room towards the back that Han insists you use._

_Just as you remove your jacket, you hear a noise. Not the loud Wookie or the older man that's usually arguing with him. It's the sound of someone trying to be sneaky but doing a horrible job at it._

_You quickly grab your blaster and quietly exit the room. When the dejarik table is in sight, you hear the noise again, only this time you can see who is causing it._

_The man stands with his back to you. His dark black hair is almost at his jawline. His shoulders are wide and rise and fall with each breath he takes. His arms are thick and corded with muscle in the tighter than necessary black shirt. His also unnecessarily tight black pants are tucked into a pair of black boots. His holster is similar to yours and holds a blaster at his side._

_You can't even see his face but you already know he's going to be good looking, and it pisses you off because whoever he is, he shouldn't be on the Falcon._

_You take a step closer to him and watch as his shoulders tense and his head, which is angled down, shoots up until he's standing tall with his back to you. It's obvious he knows you're behind him. It's a matter of making a move before he does._

_Before he can turn and confront you, you kick him in the back of the legs, forcing him to fall to his knees with a painful "oof" as they connect with the steel floor. Not wasting any time, you press yourself against his back, grab a handful of his hair, and hold the blaster to his temple. He slowly lifts his hands in surrender but keeps his head straight forward._

_"Who are you? What are you doing on this ship?"_

_When he doesn't answer quick enough, you press the blaster a little hard into the side of his head. He hisses but finally speaks._

_"I should be asking you the same thing."_

_You lean down until your mouth is against his ear. "I'm the one with the blaster. Answer my damn question," you growl._

_He shudders at your words so you grip his hair even tighter. His breath hitches in response._

_"Answer me."_

_"I'm sorry sweetheart, what was the question? What you're doing is awfully distracting," he chuckles._

_What the hell? You have a blaster to his head and you're nearly pulling his hair out and he's laughing at you?_

_Too distracted by his response, you react too late when he knocks the blaster out of your hand. He grabs your wrist and flips you over until you hit the floor. He hisses with pain when he's forced to follow you down due to the death grip you have on his hair._

_You wrap your arm around his neck and reverse the flip until he's the one on his back and you're the one hovering over him. You release his hair, grab the knife from your waistband, and hover it over his face. Your knees dig into the solid metal ground, one on each side of his wide chest as you kneel over him._

_The man is at least twice your size, flipping him was not easy. The adrenaline coursing through your veins definitely helped. You're slightly dizzy from the impact the back of your head did with the floor but your mind is clear enough to keep your hand steady on the knife. You blink the dizziness away and stare at the man until your eyes blink back into focus. They widen when you see his face._

_He's gorgeous, just as you assumed._

_He stares up at you in awe as you glare down at him holding a knife an inch away from his face._

_You watch as his Adam's apple bobs when he swallows nervously. Your eyes follow the movement then roam over the smooth column of his neck, up to his chiseled chin, across his plump lips, over his strong cheekbones, and land on his whiskey-colored eyes which are staring at you with an intensity that's nearly uncomfortable._

_"I won't ask you again, who are you?" you say through heavy breaths._

_The infuriating man stares up at you and responds._

_"You're beautiful."_

_Your body has an involuntary reaction to the sound of his deep voice now that you can see his face. You don't want him to catch you off guard and knock your last weapon out of your hand so you do your best to act unaffected by his words._

_"Has anyone ever told you how beautiful you are? Even with a gun to my head I—"_

_"If you don't shut up I swear I will stab you in the throat. Answer my question!" you yell._

_"Based on your reaction I don't think you get told that enough. So let me just say—"_

_"Shut up!"_

_You grab his hair even tighter than before and pull. He closes his eyes and his jaw tenses as he takes multiple deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. He opens them and stares up at you._

_"You're sending me mixed messages here, sweetheart. First, you tell me to shut up and threaten me with a knife, then you pull my hair. You can't expect me to stay quiet. I am very vocal when I'm turned on and—"_

_Your grip on your knife falters but instead of seizing the moment and knocking it out of your hand, the smug bastard stares up at you, smirking._

_He's cocky as kriff and in your experience, the cocky ones are usually either inexperienced or easy to fluster, both if you're lucky._

_With the grip you still have on his hair, you pull him up towards you. His back arches and he bites his lip but he acquiesces and lifts his head closer to yours. If you were sitting a little lower instead of on his chest, you have a feeling you'd know what you'd find._

_Pushing aside the very hormonally driven thoughts you feel forming, you bite back a triumphant smile._

_"You like it rough don't you?" you whisper into his ear, as you lean in closer._

_"Yes," he whispers._

_You watch his hands as he clenches them at his sides, wanting to touch you but thinking better of it since you still have a very large knife pointed at him._

_You lick along his jawline and whisper, "Good."_

_He sucks in a breath and lifts his hands to grab your hips but they never reach their destination. The moment the word leaves your mouth, using the grip you have on his hair, you slam his head back onto the metal floor of the ship._

_"Tell me who—"_

_"Oh good, you've met my son," Han snickers._

_"I told you I liked her," Maz whispers to Chewie as the three of them enter the ship._

_"Your son?" you ask, shocked._

_You quickly scramble backward off of the man whose now groaning on the ground, cradling his head with his hands._

_"He's the precious cargo?" you ask incredulously._

_"Don't sound so surprised. I am very precious, you'll realize that eventually."_

_Maz places her hands on her hips and frowns. "You didn't even introduce yourself? Your mother would be ashamed."_

_Ben smiles, still on his back, staring up at the ceiling. "My name is Ben Solo, and I'm at your service, sweetheart." He smirks and sits up._

_"Don't call me that, asshole. And don't slink around ships like a kriffing thief and maybe you won't end up with a knife to your throat and a mild concussion," you snap, placing the knife back in your waistband against your lower back._

_"First of all, this is technically my ship," he says, as he gets to his feet._

_Han scoffs._

_"It will be eventually," he says to his father. "Second, was I complaining? At no point did I say I didn't enjoy having a knife to my throat. If that's the impression I gave off then I apologize for misleading you."_

_Han rolls his eyes and sighs._

_"Good to know. Next time there's a knife to your throat I'll make sure to follow through with my threat," you sneer, turn your back on him, and make your way down the ramp._

_"Okay but you have to pull my hair first," Ben calls out to you_

A hush falls upon the crowd once they see you've unmasked him. His hair is still curtained around his face, concealing it from many prying eyes still. You're not sure if anyone knows what he looks like without his mask or if they know who he is, but they're about to find out.

The deadly bounty hunter everyone seems to be afraid of is actually the prince of Alderaan. You can imagine the shock on people's faces once they find out his identity and it nearly makes you laugh out loud.

This dramatic reveal of the masked man is going to get you killed if you don't get your head in the game.

"I don't know what the hell has gotten into you, but your name is Ben and you know me. You know me better than anyone else in the galaxy and I know you."

"You don't know me," he hisses. "Who you are is irrelevant to me. You're going to be dead soon."

"We'll see."

Both of you stand face to face, pointing your lightsabers at one another as if you were just asked to point out your enemy. If you stop and think about what's happening you know you'll be upset and you're not in the position to be upset right now. The adrenaline in your veins is fueling the anger you feel and you need to keep it that way.

The moment you and Ben take a step towards each other, an alarm begins ringing loudly throughout the arena and the ship in general.

The alarm can be one of two things. One, something is legitimately wrong with the ship and it's being evacuated. Two, your amazing little droid is causing a distraction so you can leave the pit. Whether he knows you're in a predicament or not, if it is his doing, he's doing it in an effort to help and it makes you love the little weirdo even more than you already do.

Both of you pause mid-step and glance around the arena. Everyone is scrambling over each other and running towards the exit. You look to where Rotta was sitting with his minions, expecting to see them rushing to leave too but he's already gone.

And so is that bastard Twi-lek with your kriffing blaster.

That asshole took it just to spite you.

It is now your personal mission in life to find him, get your blaster back, then torture him slowly until he begs for death.

Maybe you're overreacting but it's just the icing on the screwed-up cake.

Both you and Ben slowly turn your attention from the fleeing crowd back to each other.

You need to get out of the pit and off of the ship as soon as possible because you're not sure how legitimate the alarm is and it would be stupid to sit around to wait and see.

Even though you're both in the same predicament, based on his reaction to you, there's no way he's going to willingly follow you off of the Wheel.

Ben's right hand is gripping the hilt of his saber and his left hand is curling into a fist, clenching at his sides repeatedly. He doesn't need to know you to know you're trying to figure out your next move.

Your mind goes to your droid again and whether or not he's going to do what you asked and wait at your ship. That thought gives you an idea. A horrible one really, but you're out of options.

Bringing your hand to your side, you reach towards the back of your belt and grab the Parasite. Rolling it between your fingers, you hide it in your palm.

Moving toward him you twirl the saber at your side then lift it like you're about to swing at him. He does the same, fully intending to duel some more but you feign to the left then change direction at the last minute and go to the right. He's still mid-swing when you move behind him.

The bastard is too tall for you to reach his neck from behind from a standstill. You drop Leia's saber to the ground, take a few steps back, and launch yourself onto him.

Out of all the moves for you to try on him, he didn't expect you to jump on his back. Before he can throw you off, you slam the Parasite onto his neck and press the activation button.

Enraged, he yells from the pain of the needles embedding into his muscles. He reaches up, grabs you, and flings you onto the hard ground. Once again, the air is knocked out of your lungs.

While gasping for air, you reach into your jacket pocket and pull out the remote.

Ben reaches back and feels around until his hand touches the metal. He tries to pull it off of his neck but it only embeds the hooks further.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?" he yells.

He takes a step towards you but you shake the remote in your hand to draw his attention to it.

"The device I just stuck to your neck is called a Parasite. It won't come off without entering a sequence of numbers that only I know. The only way to get it off without me is to physically rip it out of your neck. It embeds itself into your muscle so good luck with that."

Coughing, you roll onto your hands and feet then stand. No longer able to conceal the amount of pain you're in from being slammed onto the ground repeatedly, you wince.

"If it thinks you're actually close to ripping it off, it will shock you, and from what I hear it hurts. If you try and run from me it will shock you. It will vibrate and beep to warn you if you get more than twenty feet from me. If you continue to distance yourself it will send an electrical current down your spine, paralyzing you. If I die, whether by your hands or not, you will be electrocuted to the point of death. So don't get any bright ideas."

Ben is vibrating with rage that is so intense you think you can feel it.

Maybe you can.

You've opened yourself to the Force again.

Can he not feel you anymore?

If he could he wouldn't be acting like he doesn't know you, would he?

He raises his hand towards you, likely about to use the Force, but you anticipate it and press a small button embedded on the back of the remote with your thumb.

Ben gasps, his legs buckle, and he drops his lightsaber to the ground. You can see the moment he loses access to the Force. The sudden loss of power brings him to his knees.

_"You might know more than me when—"_

_"I'm glad you're finally willing to admit it. I'd call that progress," Ben smirks._

_You're surprised you haven't developed some sort of rare eye condition due to the number of times you've rolled your eyes since meeting the youngest Solo._

_"As I was saying, you might know more than me when it comes to the Force and lightsaber techniques but it doesn't make you unbeatable. If anything your arrogance and overconfidence is going to come back and bite you on the ass."_

_"I'd let you bite me on—"_

_"Ben!"_

_"Sorry, sweetheart. What were you saying about my nonexistent inadequacies?"_

_You sigh and bite your cheek to prevent yourself from laughing. "I'd rather point them out. Bring it, Solo."_

_You get into your fighting stance, gesturing with your finger for him to approach you._

_He smiles that stupid, goofy, crooked smile you adore, and does as he's told._

_If both of you didn't know each other so well, the fight might be a little skewed in your direction or his. But because you're familiar with each other's moves and style, it's basically a draw. Growing tired of your ability to evade him, he holds his hand out towards you. A moment later you feel an invisible hand on the back of your neck, gently applying just enough pressure to pull you to him._

_Ben utilizes the Force far more than you do. He's had access to it his entire life. He's been trained how to use it, unlike you who has just begun testing your power. Because of this, he depends on it. It's something you've noticed but haven't mentioned because you haven't had the chance to fight one on one without any specific area in mind. Now, as you watch him swing his saber and counter yours with the Force, you realize how much he relies on it._

_It's always been there when he's needed it to defend himself, to overpower someone. What would happen if it was taken from him?_

_"Time out."_

_"What's wrong? Are you okay?" Ben pants, wipes the sweat off of his brow with the back of his hand and approaches you._

_"I want to add some rules to this training session."_

_Ben's eyebrow quirks with curiosity._

_"You can't use the Force, only I can."_

_He smiles, assuming it's because you want to handicap him so you'll have a chance to win._

_"Wipe that stupid look off your face. It has nothing to do with you being stronger than me. That's not why I'm suggesting it."_

_"What other reason could there be aside for you thinking the only way to win is by putting me at a disadvantage. Hmm?"_

_Ben deactivates his saber and steps toward you. Once directly in front of you, he places his hand on your neck and pulls you close to his chest. When you glance up at him the adoration in his eyes makes you weak in the knees. He leans down and kisses your shoulder, slowly moving upward._

_"I'm doing it to help you. Not me," you whisper as his teeth graze the crook of your neck. His mouth freezes and to your dismay, he stands up straight._

_"For me? What do you mean?" The cockiness is gone, replaced by confusion._

_"You've always had access to the Force. You rely on it and you use it to end a fight as soon as possible. It's one of your weaknesses when fighting. You should learn how to fight without it in case something happens and you can't access it."_

_Ben's eyebrows raise slightly as he listens to your feedback then contemplates your suggestion. His face relaxes, his lazy smile returns to his face, and his lips return to your neck._

_"Every time I think you can't possibly surprise me, you say something like that and it proves me wrong," he murmurs against your skin._

_"I'm all gross and wet from sweating," you try to protest, putting your hand on his chest but not really pushing him away._

_"Hmmm," he licks all the way up to your ear. You want to be self-conscious and maybe a little grossed out but it feels too good to stop him._

_"I can think of other ways to make you wet."_

"Turn it off," Ben practically snarls.

"Why? So you can try and Force choke me? I think not."

The man you're looking at is not Ben Solo. Even though you didn't part on good terms per say, Ben would never look at you with such hatred.

"You're either going to try and kill me or leave me here and neither of those options sit well with me," you shrug.

"Oh and if you somehow manage to get your lightsaber back there without decapitating yourself, you won't have any luck. Its outer casing is made out of phrik."

Quickly getting to his feet, frustrated and enraged, he approaches you with every intention of causing you physical pain. You sigh and press a button on the remote. When he yells again, it's not in frustration, it's in pain. Even though it only lasts seconds, the electric shock that starts at his neck and travels throughout his body is excruciating and brings him to his knees for the second time in minutes.

He has no idea who you are but he's learning very quickly not to underestimate you. You don't make empty threats and you're just as dangerous as everyone says you are. It only makes him want to break you even more.

"Are we done? As you can see, I'm not bluffing. We need to get off this ship and now. I don't know how legitimate that alarm is but I don't plan on staying long enough to find out."

You pick up Leia's lightsaber from the ground and then pick up Ben's. He watches you, eyes narrowed, glancing between you and his lightsaber.

To his surprise, you toss him his hilt, turn your back to him, and walk towards the door the Twi'lek exited through. You turn away from him too fast to see his eyes widen slightly, not expecting you to give him back his weapon.

You tap the control panel on the side of the door and frown when the door won't open. You're about to try again when you hear heavy footsteps approach you from behind. You tense, expecting some sort of physical attack from Ben, but it doesn't come. Instead, an insult does.

"Apparently one of your skill sets isn't critical thinking. The door isn't going to open for you without the code. We have to find another way out."

"Did...did you just call me stupid? I've never had to see my way out of the pit. I kill everyone and they lead me out to collect my prize."

"I did not say you were stupid. I implied—"

The door in front of you slides open. Both of you pause mid-sentence and turn towards the two men in front of you, both who happen to have blasters trained on you.

You can't chance looking at Ben but you see his hand extend next to you, no doubt attempting to use the Force, again.

Predictable.

You grab the man directly in front of you by the blaster then twist the hand that's holding it at an unnatural angle. At the same time, you lift your left leg and kick the other man into the wall hard enough to cause him to lower the blaster. Ben sees the opportunity and rushes him, punches him multiple times, grabs his blaster, and tosses it across the corridor.

The man in front of you swings and hits you in the ribs hard enough to definitely bruise. Before he can swing at you again, you reach behind your back, pull out your knife, and stab him directly in the chest.

At the same time, you hear the familiar sound of a neck-snapping. Instead of two "thuds," you hear one because both bodies hit the ground at the same time.

There's something oddly poetic about the fact that despite whatever the hell is going on with Ben, you both seem to be in sync with one another.

Without saying a word, he turns on his heels and approaches the door leading away from the pit. Once it opens, he starts running down the corridor. You do your best to stay close to him but it's easier said than done. Two of his steps equal six of yours. He rounds the corner, out of sight. Under normal circumstances, you'd think he's running away. The beeping starts then slowly gets louder as he stops running and heads back to you.

You have to bite the inside of your cheek to keep from laughing. When you finally round the corner you nearly run into him. He's breathing heavily, fuming. His jaw is tensed to the point of cracking teeth.

"Walk faster," he snaps. He turns his back to you and walks away, not bothering to wait for your response.

"I'm sorry I'm not a human ATAT. My legs aren't freakishly long like yours."

He comes to an abrupt stop and you almost run into him. When you take a step back he turns toward you and points but says nothing. He simply stares back at you, breathing heavily through his nose with his pointer finger in your face as if he's about to scold you. You scowl and stare up at him, daring him to say something but he doesn't.

After a minute of tense silence, he drops his hand and briskly walks away. Whether intentional or not, he slows down enough for you to keep up with him.

The hallways become more and more crowded as you get closer to the elevators. Panicked visitors approach the various emotionless protocol droids, begging them to help them find the fastest way off the ship.

You pass by one and watch as a man shakes it by its shoulders, desperate for help. "Please remain calm. The end has arrived," the droid says emotionless.

"How do you get to the hangar? Help us get out of here!" Another man says to a different droid.

"We cannot save you. Enjoy the ride."

"That's comforting." you scoff.

Thankfully, when the two of you reach the elevator towards the back of the ship, the halls are nearly empty. When the doors open there are two men standing in front of you, seemingly having no desire to leave the elevator. The four of you stare at each other for a moment before they strike. Both you and Ben make quick work of the would-be assassins then shove their bodies out of the elevator. One lone protocol droid stands in the corner, silent.

Once inside you lean against the wall and sigh. "What the hell? Why are people trying to kill us all of a sudden? They're purposely seeking us out." Ben doesn't respond and it frustrates you more than you already are.

"I'm talking to you."

Silence.

"The moment we get out of here I'm going to beat the shit out of you."

Ben rounds on you. Without anywhere else to go, you instinctually press your back against the wall and he cages you in with his arms, leaning in close.

He still smells the same.

"The moment you let your guard down, the first chance I get, I'm going to wrap my hands around your throat and—"

"Don't threaten me with a good time," you hiss and frown up at him.

His eyes widen minutely, not expecting that response at all. His lips part to snap what you're assuming would be a threat, but he's interrupted by the protocol droid.

The elevator jerks slightly as it comes to a stop at the upper level. "This is the moment you've been waiting for."

"Thanks for the warning," you snort.

"Don't call it a warning."

An uneasy feeling washes over you, a warning that something isn't right. You duck under Ben's arm, pull your lightsaber off of your belt, and activate it at your side. Seeing your focus shift from him to the elevator doors, he does the same.

The droid steps to the side of the doors, out of the line of sight.

"This is a war," the droid says from behind you.

The elevator doors open to reveal five bounty droids.

"Shit," you mumble.

Both of you raise your lightsabers at the same time and deflect the blasts, slowly inching closer to them. They have you cornered and the faster you get away from the elevator, the better your chances are.

Once within arms reach you manage to strike down multiple droids. You freeze one with the Force and Ben cuts it down.

More droids appear when you get to an intersection where two separate corridors meet. 

"What the hell?!" you yell.

As if you choreographed it, you turn at the same time until your back to back, attacking the droids directly in front of you.

You strike one down, hold out your hand, and pick up the blaster it was holding. Sparks fly from the exposed circuits in the head of the droid standing to your right.

Ben reaches over you with his lightsaber and deflects a blast right before it would have hit you. Wide-eyed, you look up at him, surprised he bothered to save you.

"I didn't do it for you," he hisses.

Movement directly behind him catches your eye. You duck under his arm and shoot the fastly approaching droid at the same time he shoots, aiming for Ben's back. You drop the blaster you're holding and barely raise your hand in time to freeze the blast and reverse it.

Ben's eyes dart between the droid that nearly ended his life and you.

"I didn't do it for you," you hiss with just as much ire as he had.

The two of you stare at one another with a mix of irritation and frustration. His jaw tenses and he bites the inside of his cheek, visibly having trouble controlling his temper. You're not sure how long the two of you stand and glare at each other but the spell is broken once someone runs into you in their hurry to flee. You're shoved into Ben's extremely wide chest. Instinctually, he grabs you by the forearms to steady you.

Before he can push you away, you push off his chest and take a step back, averting your eyes.

A blast flies towards your face, too close to deflect. As if in slow motion, you watch as it speeds towards you. You close your eyes, ready to accept your fate, apologizing to Han and Leia for failing them.

But the blast never hits you.

When you open your eyes it's in front of you, so close you can feel the heat as it hovers within an inch of your face. When you look around to see who froze it, it averts its course and hits the wall next to you.

When you turn to look towards where the blast originated, you see the edge of a cowl. It billows behind the mystery person as they disappear around the corner at the far end of the hallway. 

Ben grabs you roughly by the hand.

"Move!" he yells and drags you behind him, moving towards the hangar.

An explosion somewhere nearby shakes the ship violently enough to knock you both off of your feet and into the wall.

The Wheel has never been attacked before. There's something bigger at play but you don't know what. Random bounty hunters trying to kill you, bounty droids, and now the Wheel being blown up. It isn't a coincidence. Someone really wants both of you dead. They want it bad enough to kill hundreds of people by destroying a very old and very popular ship.

Both of you pause to catch your breaths, standing on opposite sides of the corridor with your backs against the walls, facing each other.

"They're after us," you mumble as the realization hits you.

"Yes, I gathered as much," he scoffs.

"Did you forget I have the power to cripple you, asshole? Cut the attitude or I'll give you a reminder."

Glaring at him once more, you push off the wall and continue towards the hangar.

When you get there it's pure chaos.

People are throwing punches, or receiving them. Blaster fire zooms past your heads as other people shoot at each other or other ships, all in an effort to leave the Wheel before everyone else.

Without waiting for Ben, you bolt towards the Grimtaash, praying to the Force that BD is there waiting for you. You're halfway there when the ground shakes and the floor opens up beneath you. Too late to stop yourself from falling, you scream.

A hand reaches out and roughly grabs you before you fall out of sight. Breathing heavily, you look up and see Ben's upper body hanging over the hole made by an explosion on the level below you.

He's gritting his teeth from the effort it's taking to hold on to you while also anchoring himself to the hangar floor.

You want to smile because he saved you, but you don't because he did it reluctantly.

If he didn't have the Parasite on his neck you'd have fallen to your death.

"Give me your other hand," he grunts.

With as much effort as possible, you swing your free arm up towards him and he grabs it instantly. His brow furrows once he has a grip on you, and he glances over his shoulder.

"Get away from—"

Ben is violently pulled out of sight. Due to his grip on you, you're pulled with him. He lets go the moment you're back on the hangar floor. You lay flat on your back, trying to catch your breath until you hear Ben ignite his lightsaber.

Kas is standing a stone's throw away with a blaster aimed at him.

"Wait! Stop!" you yell, get to your feet, and jump in between Ben and the large droid.

"Kas! What are you doing up here?" you ask, smiling and happy to see him again.

"When the alarms went off I began walking towards the lower hangar. On my way there I heard whispers regarding you and Kylo Ren." He gestures behind you to Ben.

Ben says nothing but stands with his lightsaber ignited ready to fight should Kas suddenly decide he wants you dead like all the other droids you've encountered so far.

"There was a bounty placed on both of you for a very high amount. I didn't hear the exact sum but it was enough for people to go after both of you."

"Do you know who—"

Another group of bounty droids enter the hangar and scan the area, looking for you.

"You need to leave immediately," Kas says. He approaches you and ushers you towards the Grimtaash by placing his hand on the small of your back.

Ben glances between you and the droid's hand before following after you.

"Can you trust him?" Kas leans down and whispers as quietly as possible.

"Normally, I'd say no, but I put a Parasite on him. He'll behave."

He nods and stands up straight, occasionally aiming his blaster overhead and shooting someone who glanced your way.

"I'm sorry by the way," Kas says, avoiding your eyes.

"For what?"

"I didn't know Kylo Ren was the man you were looking for. I never would have suggested you enter the arena if I had known he was Ben Solo."

Your throat feels tight and your eyes begin to burn. "I don't think he is, Kas. Not anymore."

The tall droid stares down at you for a moment but you look away, towards the Grimtaash. The ramp is lowered and the ship's engine hums to life. For a moment you feel dread creeping up on you thinking someone may be on your ship or may have tampered with it.

The dread vanishes when BD hops toward you as fast as possible, kicking something black with each step he takes. You have never been happier to see him in your life.

"BD! I'm so happy to—"

You stop when the black thing he is kicking slides to your feet

"My blaster! How the hell did you— nevermind. Let's go."

BD steps up the ramp, turns, and looks at Ben. You thought he'd be excited to see him but he doesn't seem to be. He's scrutinizing him, staring him up and down.

As you and Ben approach your ramp you stop and glance over your shoulder. Kas has his back to you and is slowly taking down bounty droids as they spill into the hangar and walk towards you.

"We've got to go Kas. Hurry up!"

"I think I'll stay here."

"What? No! I'm not leaving you here."

"Yes, you are. If someone doesn't take care of these droids, they will shoot down your ship before you clear the hangar. I will do my best to hold them off."

Ben places his hand on your arm, far gentler than you would have expected.

"He's right," he responds with far less bite than you've come to expect.

You don't say anything because you know it's true. There are too many droids entering the hangar.

Unsure how he would react, you run back down the ramp and hug the tall KX droid. Your eyes well with tears when he roughly pats you on the back in an attempt to comfort you. You chuckle and wipe the tears from your eyes before releasing him and running up the ramp.

Ben follows closely behind you, and immediately finds the button to lift the ramp. You spare a glance as you walk to the cockpit. His hand freezes over the button and he stares at it while it lifts. His left eye twitches hard and then you see it, a flash of recognition.

He shakes it off and joins you in the cockpit.

Ben sits in the co-pilot's seat and starts switching levers and controls, making take-off faster than you're used to. You stare at him, waiting for him to realize how flawlessly he's handling a ship he has no recollection of. He does it again. His hand freezes over the dash, he gets a faraway look in his eyes, and his eye twitches.

He blinks rapidly and his eyes come back into focus.

BD stands on the dash, directly in front of you, looks down, and sees Kas in the middle of a firefight. You avoid his lenses and finish initiating the take-off sequence.

He beeps quietly and stares at the ground as you steer the ship out of the hangar and off of the Wheel. "I tried to get him to come with us but he said no. I tried."

You clear your throat in an attempt to hide how hard you're trying to hold back tears. You keep your eyes trained straight ahead to the blackness of space in front of you but you can see Ben staring at you out of the corner of your eye.

BD nods and sits on the dash, staring out the window as you fly away from the Wheel and into hyperspace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a little chaotic.


	6. Decode

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I proofread this on my phone. It might have more errors than usual so I'm sorry! I am going to edit it once I get my laptop!  
> It should go without saying but I don't have a beta.

_The truth is hiding in your eyes  
_ _And it's hanging on your tongue_  
 _Just boiling in my blood_  
 _But you think that I can't see_  
 _What kind of man that you are_  
 _If you're a man at all_  
 _Well, I will figure this one out on my own_  
 _I'm screaming, I love you so_  
 _But my thoughts you can't decode._  
 _How did we get here_  
 _When I used to know you so well?_  
 _How did we get here?_  
 _Well, I think I know"  
  
  
_ _Paramore - Decode_

* * *

You, Ben, and BD sit in silence in the cockpit of the Grimtaash with no destination in mind. The goal was to put some distance between you and the Wheel and now that you've done that you're not sure where to go next.

BD hasn't taken his eyes off of Ben since the two of you boarded the ship. They haven't interacted yet but the droid can tell Ben is different, and not just physically. Obviously, both of you expected him to look different, it's been years since you saw each other. It was his personality, his demeanor, and the hostile energy he's radiating.

Ben is staring at you about as intensely as BD is staring at him. It's uncomfortable but you suppose it's better than him trying to kill you again.

Not wanting him to see you cry over Kas, you turn your head and roughly wipe your eyes with the dirty sleeve of your jacket. Unfortunately, you can't stop yourself from sniffling. BD turns away from Ben to focus on you the moment he hears it. He stands at the very edge of the console in front of you, next to the ship's controls, and beeps sadly.

Next to his foot, Poe's comlink starts to flash rapidly. Assuming you'll want to answer it, BD nudges it towards you.

You don't want Ben to overhear what Poe has to say. You're still not sure why he was, and probably still is, hellbent on killing you or why he was on the Wheel in the first place.

He's dangerous and you can't trust him.

"I need to answer this and you can't be here when I do. He'll ask a bunch of questions I can't answer. Can you give me a minute? After I'm finished we can talk and figure out what we should do next."

You're still angry but you know yelling at him won't get you anywhere, not when you need something from him. Civility is not one of your strong suits but you're willing to try if it means making things easier and less hostile.

Ben sneers. "You and I? There is no—"

"Whatever, asshat," you scoff and roll your eyes.

So much for being civil.

"Go away for five minutes then you can come back and talk as much shit as you want."

Turning away from him, you focus on BD and pick up the comlink. The silent dismissal has him fuming.

Ben roughly gets to his feet and stomps out of the cockpit. BD hops down and presses the button near the entrance to close the door behind him. It slides shut but not completely, leaving enough space for Ben to peek in and watch as Poe's holo appears.

Poe's eyes search the space in front of him until they land on you.

"Thank the stars you're alive! Are you hurt? What happened? Did you find Solo? Where are you now? Did—"

"Breathe, Dameron. I can only answer one question at a time," you chuckle.

Word spread quickly in the circles you run in so you expected Poe to contact you, eager and impatient for any details his "contacts" didn't have.

What you weren't expecting was how visibly worried he is or the way his face relaxes with relief when his eyes land on you.

Poe closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, then opens them again, visibly a little calmer.

"Alright, let's start with question one. Am I hurt? Not enough to need a bacta tank. I'm sore from being slammed on the ground repeatedly and from getting punched in the ribs a few times. I might have dislocated my arm when I fell through the hangar floor after a bomb went off below me. I think my cheekbone might be broken thanks to this really big dude in the pit but—"

"You were in the pit? Why!" Poe asks, eyes wide with concern.

"Poe, one at a time."

"Hmm...Poe again...not Dameron," he wags his eyebrows at you.

You roll your eyes and cross your arms over your chest.

"Sorry gorgeous, continue."

"I went to the Wheel and spoke with Kas. He—"

"I haven't seen him in a while. How's he—"

"Dead."

Poe sees the sad look on your face and decides to drop it for now but he sincerely hopes you'll eventually explain without him having to ask.

"Kas said he heard people mention Ben a while ago. He gave BD the dates and had him hack into the security system. Meanwhile, he suggested I fight in the arena. The Hutt's were the ones putting on the fight. If I won I was going to ask for information that could help me find Ben, if they had any. Things got a bit complicated because that new bounty hunter you warned me about was my last opponent in the pit."

You've rendered Poe speechless. His mouth opens to speak but he closes it before he does. He's shocked to learn you took out the competition with only minor injuries.

"As it turns out," you pause to make sure he's listening to what you're about to say, "the bounty hunter everyone is talking about is Ben."

Silently, you count how many seconds it takes for Poe to fully wrap his mind around what he just learned. His silence and blank stare tells you he's going to need at least a minute. You lean back into the pilot's seat and wait. After a full minute of stunned silence, Poe blinks away his shock and yells.

"What!?"

"It's him but...something is wrong," you whisper and lean closer to the holo. "It's not...he doesn't know who I am. At first, I thought he was just mad at me for how things...well how things went the last time we spoke but that's not it at all. The way he looks at me...it's like I'm a stranger. He tried to kill me multiple times in the pit. When I called him Ben he said his name isn't Ben, it's Kylo Ren. I don't know what to do, Poe. I don't know what's wrong with him or how to fix him."

"He...he tried to kill you?"

"Yes. He really doesn't know who I am."

Feeling extremely vulnerable, you avert your eyes. You hate showing weakness in front of anyone but you feel lost and you want to talk to someone about what's happening.

Poe sighs and his shoulders drop. "Okay, alright, okay. Let's...we'll figure things out. It...wait...where is he now?"

His brow furrows, with concern. Based on your demeanor he has a feeling he knows what your answer is going to be and he doesn't like it.

"He's on the ship, somewhere in the back. I told him to go away so we could talk in private."

"He tried to kill you and you're letting him walk around your ship freely! Are you crazy?" Poe scolds.

"Yes, a little bit, but you knew that. I have it under control."

"How?"

"BD found a parasite in a drawer. Ben is now wearing it on the back of his neck," you smirk.

Poe's eyes slightly widen before a smile spreads across his face. "I knew you were dangerous but damn. I think I'm falling in love." He dramatically places his hands over his heart.

You scoff.

"We were fighting, some alarms went off, and all hell broke loose. We managed to make it to the hangar but we were surrounded by bounty droids by the time we got to the ship. Kas— " you pause and swallow hard. "Kas wouldn't come with us. He said someone needed to stay to distract the droids to buy us time. He was on the Wheel when we left."

Poe sighs and rubs both hands over his face. He's quiet for an uncomfortable amount of time, which is rare for him. Unable to deal with the silence, you start rambling.

"They were after us but I don't know if we were both targets or if one of us was and the other was considered guilty by association."

Your brow furrows as your mind wanders but instead of keeping things to yourself, you start thinking out loud.

"You're the only one that knew where I was going right?"

Poe rests his palms on the console of whatever ship he's on and leans forward, looking down and thinking.

"I contacted you once I heard Ben was supposedly sighted on the Wheel. I didn't say anything to anyone else."

You weren't necessarily suggesting Poe somehow played a part in what happened, you just wanted reassurance he hadn't said anything to anyone.

"I didn't think you did," you sigh. "How did they know I was coming? I'm not easy to track or to contact so how did they find me?"

"I found you," a deep voice says from behind you.

_You've been in Hanna City on Chandrila for a couple of weeks and you love it but you need something to keep you busy and out of the Organa-Solo's apartment. It wasn't because you disliked staying there, in fact, you loved it. No, the problem was with who you were stuck with. Ben was always around flirting with you and smirking at you. You considered homicide more than once but the thought of how upset Han and Leia would be made you push that thought aside quickly._

_You weren't sure who you were more irritated with, Ben for his constant need to hover over you and follow you around, or yourself for secretly liking it._

_No good could come from getting romantically involved with Ben Solo._

_You had no idea how long you would be on Chandrila. You weren't used to staying in one place for very long and you also weren't wanting to overstay your welcome._

_Chewie and Han had various tasks to do with Leia which left you and Ben alone more often than not. Being on Chandrila meant aside for minor maintenance on the Falcon, you had an uncomfortable amount of free time. Not having to worry about food, money, or shelter, made your life rather uneventful which is something you never thought you'd say._

_You weren't used to sitting around and doing nothing and it was driving you crazy. You wanted something to do outside of the apartment because it also meant time away from Ben who apparently had just as little to do as you did._

_While cleaning out a large storage compartment in the Falcon you found multiple bins full of random parts. It looked like Han and Chewie hoarded parts regardless of whether or not they could actually be used on the Falcon. The multitude of droid parts gave you an idea, especially when you found part of a BD unit's lens._

_You always wanted a droid of your own but you never had the resources to purchase one or to build one. Now you have both at your disposal in addition to free time._

_Han had told you to keep whatever you thought might be useful and toss the rest whenever you had spare time. Eager to have something to do, you woke up early the next day, hopped on one of their speeders, and quickly made your way to the hangar that stored the Falcon._

_With a large satchel slung over your shoulder, you go through the bins and sort the various scraps into piles. There was a pile for droid parts you may be able to salvage, a pile for parts that can be used on the Falcon or speeders, and junk._

_It took more time than you thought it would but you're extremely satisfied with what you've salvaged. There are more than enough parts to piece together a BD unit. It won't actually be a BD unit since you'll be using random parts but it will be close enough to one._

_The sun has set so you decide to head back to the apartment. You place the useful ship parts back inside the Falcon, load your satchel with the droid parts you're going to use, and throw the rest in the garbage chute. You're exiting the Falcon and someone grabs you from behind. One of their arms wraps around your waist, pulling you close to them as their free hand covers your mouth._

_Instinctively, you violently thrash and elbow the person in the stomach. You hear a slight "oof" and smell the familiar scent of mahogany and leather._

_"It's me, calm down," Ben whispers in your ear while keeping you pressed against his chest._

_Your heart is beating so fast that it's almost painful. If he can hear it or feel it he doesn't mention it. After whispering in your ear he doesn't release you like you thought he would. Instead, he lingers close to the crook of your neck with his mouth a centimetre away from the side of your head. A centimetre more and he'll be nuzzling into your face. The fact that you want him to irritates you._

_Reluctantly, he removes his hand from your mouth and releases his hold on you, but he doesn't step away. He's giving you the power to step away and put some distance between you. His chest is warm against your back and a small part of you wants to relax into it and welcome the heat, but you don't._

_Irritated with him for scaring you and for the feelings his close proximity is causing, you step away, just enough to quickly turn and face him. The scowl you have in place quickly melts away when your eyes meet. He leaned down as you turned and is now practically nose to nose with you._

_With his infuriating smirk in place, he holds your gaze and it does nothing to calm your still elevated pulse. You swallow hard and do your best to refocus on your irritation instead of how close you are to his mouth. Specifically the plump bottom lip you've imagined between your teeth._

_It takes everything in him not to smile triumphantly knowing he's finally starting to have an effect on you. It's taken him months but if Ben Solo is anything it's determined. He always gets what he wants and he wants you more than he's wanted anything in a very long time._

_His eyes dart to your lips and you have to physically force yourself not to think about what that could mean._

_"What are you doing here?" you ask, doing your best to sound irritated opposed to flustered. "I didn't tell anyone where I was going." Your voice comes out much quieter than you intended and you hate it._

_"I found you," he shrugs._

_His nonchalant response clears the overwhelming hormonal fog that's clouding your judgement to make room for the annoyance once again._

_"No shit. How did you find me?"_

_You cross your arms over your chest and physically force yourself to put space between you and him._

_He does his best to hide his disappointment when you move away from him but takes note of how it appears reluctant and forced._

_"I was bored and I noticed one of the speeders was gone. There are only a few places you're familiar around here and you seem to have a tendency to immerse yourself in junk and grease so your location was pretty obvious."_

_He's hoping his comment will irritate you. He can't explain why but annoying you has quickly become one of his favorite pastimes. Ben's genuinely surprised you haven't hit him yet._

_"Ugh," you groan. "You're like a parasite, impossible to get rid of. It's like you've buried yourself inside me and—"_

_"Not yet, sweetheart but we'll get there eventually," he smirks._

_Your stomach does a somersault and your mind momentarily blanks out. It takes you a beat too long to think of a snarky reply and the triumphant look on his face makes your cheeks warm._

_You clear your throat and scowl again. "There has to be somewhere on this planet I can go to get away from you."_

_Ben chuckles, "Good luck getting rid of me. I found you. I'll always find you, sweetheart." His smile slowly fades. "Um...sorry that...that didn't sound nearly as creepy in my head." His cheeks slowly flush a light shade of crimson and he averts his eyes._

_You cover your mouth to keep yourself from laughing but it comes out nonetheless._

_He scowls, doing his best to look irritated but it doesn't last. The sound of your laughter sends a warmth through him that he's never felt before and he immediately vows to do everything in his power to hear it again and again._

"What?" you whisper, barely loud enough for Ben to hear.

Your back is to Poe so you don't see the way he glances between you and the voice he heard. Ben is too far out of the holo's line of sight to give Poe a glimpse of him but he knows that's who you're talking to.

Ben huffs. "I said I found you. If I could find you why couldn't someone else?"

You push aside the feelings his original statement cause and bring your mind back to the present.

"You didn't find me. I went to the Wheel to get information and you happened to be there."

"Yes, because I knew you would be there as well. Arriving before you doesn't change the fact that I found you first."

Your lips part to argue but Poe interrupts before you can and you turn your attention back to him.

"I'll reach out to a few people and see if they've heard anything about what happened on the Wheel. You...well you figure things out on your end. I'll contact you if I hear anything."

"Okay, thanks Poe."

"I'm glad you're not dead, gorgeous," he winks and the holo ends.

When you turn your attention back to Ben his brow is slightly furrowed and he's staring at where Poe's holo was seconds ago.

"What?" you ask, curious to see if he'll tell you what's bothering him.

Without making it obvious, you lightly tap into the Force and the connection to him that, regardless of what's happened, will always be there, trying to feel him, sense him.

There's a spark, albeit a small one.

Jealousy.

He might not remember you, something that you still need to discuss, but he still feels a bit possessive over you and the look on his face makes it clear that he has no idea why.

You clear your throat to get his attention and the emotionless mask he's been wearing (when not wearing the homicidal one) slips back into place.

You stand, slide past Ben, and walk further into the ship towards the small living area. Suddenly you feel extremely claustrophobic. The ship itself reminds you of Ben, it always has. You've merely managed not to think about it. After a period of time you had become so accustomed to it that you didn't really think about it.

Now that he's on the ship, invading the space you claimed for yourself without his permission, all of the memories are rushing back to you and it's overwhelming.

The bed in the small alcove recessed into the ships wall suddenly feels intimidating, like it's willing you to remember how well you and Ben managed to fit into an area that most would think is way too small to accommodate him alone. It's forcing you to remember how the sheets felt clenched in your fists as you grasped for anything to keep you anchored to the present while Ben buried his face into the apex of your thighs and devoured you like your wetness was the only thing keeping him alive.

You avert your eyes and walk towards the small table on the other side of the room. Two chairs sit on each side of it.

You pull out both and set them in the center of the room. Turning one so it's back is to the other, you straddle it, cross your arms over the back and face the other chair.

Ben enters the room, glances between you and the chair, but makes no move towards it. Instead he crosses his arms over his chest and glares at you.

"This is what we're going to do. I'm going to ask you questions and you're going to answer them. That's all I have on the agenda at the moment," you smile from ear to ear, hoping it will piss him off.

He cocks an eyebrow and scoffs. "What makes you think I—"

You pull the parasite's remote control out of your jacket pocket and wave it in front of you, taunting him.

His nostrils flare and he bites the inside of his cheek as his anger spikes.

"I'll know if you're lying and that will not only waste my time but it will also put you in an unnecessary amount of pain. You can ask me questions if you have any. We can take turns if you'd like but that's up to you. I don't know how long this will take so you might as well sit down." You gesture towards the chair in front of you with your chin.

"Do I have a choice?" he asks with venom in his tone.

"Sure you do. You can choose between sitting or standing. If you plan to lie to me then your choice is whether to fall out of the chair when I shock you or fall to the ground from a standing position. The latter will probably be hell on your knees."

Ben practically growls, crosses the room, and roughly sits in the chair that's far too small for someone his size.

_"So...what do you think?" Ben walks into the ship's living area and turns to face you. With his hands on his hips he smiles and waits for your opinion. On what? You're not sure._

_"I...that's...I'm sorry but I have no idea what I'm supposed to be giving you my opinion on."_

_He sighs and points to a small table that's been bolted down to the floor across from the bed, next to the wall. Two chairs are tucked in underneath it on opposite ends. You're not sure what the significance is. It definitely used to be something other than a table. It was taken apart and rebuilt to serve whatever purpose Ben had in mind. Maybe that's what he wanted praise for._

_You stare at him blankly, not understanding why he's so damn excited about three small pieces of furniture._

_"My desk was here and it was a lot smaller. I took it apart and turned it into a table using some of the junk my dad had lying around the hangar."_

_"That's...that's great," you smile._

_"I was really excited about this and you're ruining it," he huffs._

_"I'm sorry! I don't know why this is a big deal!" you laugh._

_"Because before there was only room for me here. I made it bigger so now there's room for both of us. We'll need somewhere to eat and what not. I assumed after I finish my training with Luke we'll be spending more time here. You said you don't like stay_ ing _in one place for too long. This ship is really only meant for one person. I was going to suggest we sell it and get a ship that's better suited for two but you seem to be oddly attached to this one for some reason. I'm doing my best to make the living area more accommodating."_

_You stare at him, dumbfounded and speechless. The silence quickly becomes uncomfortable and he starts to fidget in place._

_"If you don't—"_

_"You...you've thought that far ahead?" you whisper. His nervous fidgeting intensifies._

_"Have you not?"_

_No, you haven't but do you tell him that? It has nothing to do with him but you know he'll assume it does. You've always lived life from one day to the next. You've never planned ahead for anything, including what the future had in store for both of you, together. There were too many variables, too many things that had to happen between now and then._

_Your hesitation and silence makes Ben jump to conclusions._

_"I understand, I—"_

_"It's not what you think. I—"_

_Ben runs his hand through his hair and suddenly finds a very interesting spot across the room to focus on in favor of staring back at you. "I just figured since—"_

_"Ben, shut up." His eyes go to yours immediately._

_"It's really not what you think. I haven't thought that far ahead, I never do. Things tend to happen spur of the moment. I didn't want to make any assumptions about what may happen when you get back, especially since we don't know how long you'll be with Luke._

_"So you_ do _want to gallivant through space with me?" he smirks._

_The thought is actually terrifying. It would be a huge commitment. You'd be staying in one place with one person, relying on someone else for an extended period of time._

_But you would be safe._

_You would be home_.

_"I'll think about it. You're annoying as hell and I don't know if I'll be able to handle being cooped up in this small ship with only you to keep me company. I might smother you in your sleep."_

_He smiles, wraps his arms around you, and pulls you into his chest. You nuzzle into him and look around the ship you'll eventually call home._

_"I do have one concern though." Ben can barely hear you with your face pressed against his chest._

_"What is it?"_

_"There's no way your big ass is going to fit in one of those tiny chairs."_

Looking away from him, not wanting to think about what happened in that chair after that conversation, you focus on the issue at hand with the stranger in front of you.

What do you ask first?

Do you dive right in and ask about his memory or lack thereof?

Do you ask how he found you and why he was looking for you?

"Before you saw me in the arena, have you ever met me in person? Have you spoken to me before?"

"No."

You stare at him, gauging whether or not he's lying. He genuinely doesn't remember you. Somehow that takes the sting of his coldness away, but only a little. At least he's not purposely treating you like crap.

What happened to him to cause him to forget you?

What else doesn't he remember?

"Do I—"

"Are you and Poe Dameron together romantically?" Ben blurts out before he can stop himself. His brow furrows the moment the words leave his mouth.

He's irritated with himself for asking, but even more for caring and having no idea why.

You're completely unprepared for that question. You weren't expecting him to ask you any questions at all, especially about your relationship status. You assumed he'd sit and stew while providing you with one word answers.

"Definitely not." You do your best not to look surprised or intrigued over why he's so curious.

"Then why did he call you—"

"Because he flirts with anything with legs. That's just how Dameron is. He knows it irritates me so he does it on purpose."

Ben quietly stares at you, gauging your honesty the way you did to him. If this is how the conversation is going to go you're going to be sitting in the chair for a long time.

"Even though you hadn't met me in person, did I or do I seem familiar to you at all? Does this ship or our— my droid?"

BD, who has been doing his best to keep a low profile near the entrance to the cockpit, slowly trots over to Ben's chair and looks up at him pleadingly.

Ben stares at him for a few seconds before turning his attention back to you.

"No." His tone suggests he's being honest, that he's resolute in his answer, but the way his eye twitches when he speaks makes you think otherwise.

BD beeps dejectedly and slowly walks back towards the cockpit.

"Your turn."

Instead of asking you another question, Ben turns his head away from you and stares out the large window behind you.

"Fine, I'll keep going. Who—"

"What business did you have on the Wheel?"

If remembering his past makes him twitchy, would the truth overwhelm him or hurt him in some way?

"I was looking for someone."

"Who?"

"That's another question isn't it?"

"So is that."

"Kriff."

"Who were you looking for?"

"My friend Ben."

Eye twitch.

"Why were _you_ looking for _me_?"

The look on his face suggests he's choosing his words carefully. He intends to give you as little information as possible.

"My current employer advised I locate you in order to get information on my target. Your search for your friend is not a well kept secret thanks to Dameron who is far too trusting considering his line of work and who he surrounds himself with. It wasn't hard to surmise that if you thought your friend was on the Wheel you'd go there. All I had to do was wait for the information to get to you."

"You're the one that told Poe about the Wheel?" you ask.

You can feel your anger rising at the thought. You can't decide whether you're going to shock him or punch him in the throat if he says yes.

"No, I did not. The information merely reached me before it reached you. I'm not sure who the source was."

He's not lying this time. Whoever told Poe he was last seen on the Wheel had told multiple people before telling him which gave whoever wanted you dead plenty of time to set up a trap. Why go through all of that trouble for you though? The Wheel is huge and has been around for quite a long time. You're a skilled bounty hunter but you're definitely not worth that amount of trouble.

"Where do you intend on taking me?" Ben asks, breaking you out of your thoughts.

"I haven't decided yet. That's going to depend on how the rest of this conversation goes."

You pause and take a deep breath, preparing for his answer to the following question.

"Who is your target?"

"Han Solo," Ben says without hesitation.

The air feels like it's been knocked out of you and your breath hitches.

If he doesn't remember who he is, he doesn't remember who Han is to him. He's being paid to track down his own father and he doesn't even realize it.

"Who's your employer?"

Ben pauses and mulls over his answer. You don't have to wave the remote in front of him to remind him of his position. You had intended on being lenient with him but if his plan is to hurt Han or anyone else in his family then all leniency is gone. As much as it pains you to do, you will treat him like an enemy if it means keeping them safe.

"The Hutt's."

You run your hands down your face as if the action can help make things make sense.

"That's why you didn't even blink when Rotta disappeared from the arena. I understand why they want Han but Jabba has been dead for decades. That's an extremely long time to hold a grudge. Why go after him now?"

You quickly silence yourself when you realize you're thinking out loud. If Ben's allegiance lies with the Hutt's, anything you say could be used against you or used to find Han. If he's closely associated with them it's possible and highly likely they're the ones that have tampered with his memories. They could have easily overpowered him if he was dumb enough to enter Hutt Space on his own.

They abducted him, tampered with his mind, then sent him to kill his own father? If your memory is correct, Han wasn't even the one responsible for Jaba's death, Leia was. Actually, it was more of a group effort that involved Ben's entire family. Were they after all of them as well or is Han the only target?

When you glance up at Ben, ready to ask another question, he's staring at you with one eyebrow raised, curious. He's looking at you like you're a puzzle he can't quite piece together.

"What is the job exactly? Are you to find him and kill him or capture him and take him back to the Hutts?"

"It's not your turn."

"I don't give a shit anymore. Make a list and I'll answer later. What does the job entail?"

His nostrils flare and he shows no indication that he intends to actually answer your questions.

Without breaking eye contact, you hover your thumb over the button that will bring him to his knees. He swallows hard and stares at your hand.

"Don't make me ask you again."

A part of him wants to completely ignore you just to piss you off. However, a larger part of him would like to avoid being electrocuted.

"Once I find Han Solo, I am going to take him back to the Hutt's. I was told they already have his son. I'm not sure what they're planning on doing with them once they have them both."

This is so much worse than you thought. He's not just denying his identity but he's referring to himself as a different person. He genuinely doesn't think he's Ben.

"Did you decide to forgo your plan to get information out of me once we met in the pit? You seemed pretty hellbent on killing me. Last time I checked it was impossible to get information out of a corpse."

Ben shrugs. "Han Solo is widely known. It wouldn't be hard for me to find information on his whereabouts through other sources. It would just take more time than I'd care to spend. However, the credits they offered me to bring you in alongside Han Solo, dead or alive, would have made up for the lost time."

Abduct Han and take him back to the Hutt's with the optional side hustle that required him to kill you or abduct you alongside Han. 

"That's a load of shit. I've never done a damn thing to the Hutt's. I've done jobs for those assholes in the past."

You push your chair aside and pace back and forth in front of Ben, absentmindedly shuffling the parasite's remote from one hand to the other. Ben does his best not to show how anxious your careless treatment of the device is making him.

Pausing mid-step, you turn your attention back to Ben.

"I didn't realize my relationship with the Solo's was common knowledge but that doesn't really matter now. They want me dead or alive, preferably alive to get to Han. I'm assuming Rotta is responsible for what went down on the Wheel. If he is, why would he want you dead too? If you're supposed to bring us to him, why kill you? That doesn't make any sense."

You're right. It doesn't make sense.

"I'm not sure," Ben responds, reluctantly.

It's possible Rotta noticed Ben's hesitation in the pit. He paused long enough to speak to you and from what you have heard, 'the assassin' didn't waste any time taking out his opponent. Rotta might have assumed Ben's memories of you weren't completely gone and his plan was ruined. If that's the case it would be smart to take you both out at the same time opposed to facing retaliation from Ben once he was back to normal.

If he can't get to Han he could kill you and Ben at the same time. Word would get back to Han that his son had been killed by the Hutt's. It wouldn't be as satisfying because they wouldn't get to see the look on Han's face but it would still serve as revenge.

You now know why Ben was on the Wheel and who is likely responsible for what happened there. The only mystery left is what happened to Ben's memories and if there's any way he can get them back.

Sighing, you put the remote back in your jacket pocket and straddle the chair again. You rest your chin on your crossed arms over the back of it, suddenly extremely exhausted.

"Do you know who you are?" you ask quietly, dreading what he's going to say.

"I already told you," he says through gritted teeth, "my name is Kylo Ren."

You sigh. The detached look in his eyes is starting to weigh on you. How can you convince someone they're someone else when they have no memory of their past?

"Your name is Ben Solo. I was looking for _you_ when I went to the Wheel. No one has heard from you in over a year and your parents, Han Solo and Leia Organa, were and still are worried."

His eye twitches but he doesn't respond.

"They came to me and asked me to find you. I'm good at what I do and we were—" you swallow hard and avoid his eyes.

"They assumed if anyone could find you it would be me. This ship is yours, the Grimtaash. I stole it from you the last time we...we...the last time I saw you."

You clear your throat and focus on the floor. You don't want to think about the last encounter the two of you had, not when he still looks at you with such disdain.

"We haven't spoken in years but we were...we were close."

When Ben is silent for a beat too long, you look up at him. The look on his face is hard to read. He doesn't look like he thinks you're flat out lying, but he's struggling to even consider the idea that you may be right.

"That's not true," he finally says, "I don't know why you seem to think I'm Ben Solo but I'm not him. The Hutt's have Ben Solo."

"Who are your parents? What are their names?"

"They were filthy junk traders who sold me for drinking money when I was a child."

"What were their names?"

He doesn't respond.

"How did you get that scar?"

Ben's lips part to speak but he doesn't say anything. He gets a distant look in his eyes, like he's searching his memories. When his eyes come back into focus you can tell he can't answer your question because he doesn't know how he got his scar.

Good. If you can point out all of the inaccuracies in what he believes is his past then maybe he'll start to believe you.

Instead of admitting that he doesn't know how he got his scar, he purses his lips and glares at you.

"I don't know what they did to you, but what they told you is a lie. I know you better than you know yourself. I—"

"You don't know me," he growls and gets to his feet so fast the chair slams to the ground behind him. He towers over you, crowding your personal space in an attempt to intimidate you with his size alone.

You get to your feet just as quickly and stand your ground. Glaring up at him you puff out your chest, doing your best to be intimidating like he is only without his height and mass to assist you.

"Your name, whether you like it or not, is Benjamin Skywalker Organa Solo. You are the nephew of Luke Skywalker and the Prince of Alderaan. You've got the blood of a princess and a smuggler in your veins. You're one of the strongest Force users alive. You like to write and one of your most prized possessions is the calligraphy set your mother gave you when you were a kid. You're not a fan of lightning but you don't know why. You wanted to leave with m—" you stop before you can say anything too intimate, anything that he can use to get under your skin.

Ben leans down and whispers in your ear, "Whoever you think I am, whoever I was, that's not who I am anymore. My name is Kylo and you'd be wise to remember that. The sooner you get that through your head the easier things will be."

Without pausing to think about the consequences, you reach up, grab a handful of his hair, and pull until his face is directly in front of yours.

"Fine, _Kylo_. You might not act like Ben anymore, but that's who you are, whether you like it or not."

"You're wrong," he hisses with disdain. His actions contradict his words and he glances at your lips.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I must have you confused with someone else. Someone who has a cluster of moles on the top of their inner thigh, here." You drag your finger along his inner thigh and stop before you get to his hip. His breath hitches but he does his best to act unaffected. You lean closer to him and nuzzle into his cheek. "There is a spot behind his ear that when licked, makes him go weak in the knees," you whisper.

His hands, which were hanging at his sides, lift slightly but hover as if he's fighting the urge to place them on your hips.

"Like I said," you whisper and bring your lips to his jaw, nibbling along side it as you speak. "I know you better than anyone and I know you want nothing more than to bend me over that tiny table and fuck me until I can't walk."

His chest rises and falls rapidly as he tries to fight the urge to show you how right you are.

"Your body remembers me, and soon you will too."

With the hand that's still in his hair, you bring his mouth to yours and kiss him long enough to hopefully spark some familiarity. You break away first and push against him to distance yourself.

His eyes remain closed and he winces like he's in pain. He grabs the side of his head and hisses.

You do your best to act unaffected and disinterested when in reality you want to ask what's wrong and close the distance between you once again.

"You can sleep in the bunk. It looks small but it's big enough for two...you'll fit."

You let that hang in the air, knowing he'll understand what you're insinuating, and close the door to the cockpit.

* * *

Kylo is reeling.

The moment he's alone he takes a deep breath. He felt like he had forgotten how to breathe since the moment you pulled his hair.

It's terrifying yet exhilarating. Terrifying because you've felt familiar to him since the moment he laid eyes on you but he pushed the thought aside.

The ship and the small droid that continues to stare at him only furthered the unsettling sense of familiarity.

You're wrong. You have to be. He's an orphan and has spent a majority of his life alone. Once he was old enough the Hutt's trained him and taught him everything he knew. At least that's what he was told when he woke up in a medical bay with stitches on the back of his head and no recollection of why he needed them.

It was a freak accident while training. The scar on his face backed up their claim and he had no reason not to believe them. He had memories of his past but what he remembers and what you're telling him are vastly different.

Yet, what you're saying doesn't sound like a complete lie like he assumed it would. The way you touched him and what you know about him...a stranger wouldn't have that knowledge.

How could he have no recollection of you at all? The feeling he got when you were pressed up against him was foreign and extremely pleasant. If you didn't irritate him so much he'd have grabbed your hand and kept you in front of him. You confuse him. He can't tell whether he's beginning to like you or if he wants to snap your neck while you sleep.

Kylo has never been close with anyone, always keeping to himself, doing one job after another because he can, because he is good at it. Aside from you, no one has his skillset, no one can even match his abilities in a fight.

Sighing, he does as you said and rolls into the small bunk built into the wall. Much to his irritation, you're right, he fits. He's exhausted but he can't relax, not when his treacherous mind wondered if he's ever laid in the same spot with your limbs intertwined with his.

* * *

For what feels like an hour you sit in the cockpit contemplating your next move. It didn't feel right to take him back to Han and Leia yet. Not while he's in full Kylo mode. It will hurt if he can't remember you or his old life but you'll get over it.

What you won't get over is if he hurt Han. He has to remember them at least a little bit. There's nothing to stop him from turning Han over to the Hutt's if he doesn't. Without a connection to him why should he care about the strangers fate?

You can't lock him away somewhere to prevent him from hurting them. You can't keep him as your prisoner going forward. You have no idea what to do with him.

It was wrong to push his past on him. Especially when remembering clearly causes him physical pain.

You need him to trust you then maybe he will see what you're saying is the truth.

There are two planets you can hide out on until you figure out what to do with Ben, or Kylo. You might as well start calling him Kylo since he's definitely not acting like Ben. Maybe that will help you accept the fact that you may never get your Ben back.

You hate hiding out but at the moment it's the smart thing to do.

Takodana is always an option. Maz has always welcomed you with open arms. She's known Ben since he was a kid. Her connections span extremely far so she might be able to help you figure out what happened to him.

Lastly, and possibly the worst and best option, Luke.

Ben and Luke weren't on good terms the last time they saw each another but if Ben doesn't remember anything that might not make a difference.

The Jedi Master might know of a way to fix whatever's wrong with Ben.

There's one problem with that option. You're not sure where Luke's temple is. You could ask Han to have Luke contact you again but Han would ask you if you've had any luck finding Ben and you don't want to lie to him.

You vaguely remember Ben mentioning Ahch-To but it wasn't the location of the temple and you're not even sure where in the galaxy that is. Maybe you can inadvertently reach out to Han through Poe. That seems like a good idea, better than the other two options at least, especially if the temple is hard to find.

There hasn't been a peep out of Kylo since you teased him and walked away. Hopefully he's asleep. He looked like he could use it. You're exhausted too but your mind is too busy racing from one topic to the next. There's no way you'll be able to sleep.

Reaching out towards the dash, you pick up Poe's comlink and send out a signal, this time an all audio one.

"Miss me already, gorgeous?" Poe says the moment the signal goes through.

"Ugh, you can't see me rolling my eyes, but I am."

Poe chuckles then pauses once he realizes how rare it is for _you_ to reach out to _him_. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, but I was hoping you could do something for me?"

"Name it."

"I need you to contact Han and tell him to have Luke contact me again. He needs to know that it's important. Get Leia after him if necessary but I need to talk to him soon."

"You want me to play messenger? Don't you have a direct line to Han yourself? I mean, don't get me wrong, I want to help. I'm just curious."

You sigh. "Han will ask me if I've had any luck finding Ben. I can't lie to him but I don't think it's a good idea to take him back to them yet. I'm hoping Luke will tell me what planet he's on so we can go there. He might be able to help me figure out why Ben can't remember anything. There's no way I can ask Han without him being suspicious."

"Okay, I'll see if I can reach Han or Leia right now. What do I say if they ask why you aren't contacting them yourself?"

"Um...I don't know Poe. I'm sure you can think of a believable lie."

"Alright, I'll think of something."

"Thanks for all your help Poe. I guess I have to admit your my friend now."

"I'm pretty sure I've elevated myself to best friend status but we can discuss my status amongst your social circle once all this shit is sorted out."

"Deal," you chuckle.

"Bye, gorgeous," Poe says before ending the call.

Setting the comlink back on your dash, you enter the coordinates to Takodana. BD looks at you questionably by tilting his head slightly.

"We can't keep flying around aimlessly. We're going to need to stop for fuel soon. Until we find Luke, the next best place to go is probably Maz's."

He beeps in agreement and sits on the dash, staring out into space. You take a deep breath and relax into the pilot's seat. It's not the most comfortable place to sleep but you're not really planning on getting much anyways.

You close your eyes for an unknown amount of time but jolt awake to an unfortunately familiar sound coming from the back of the ship. Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes you enter the living quarters and peak your head into the bunk. Ben is thrashing around, sweating, and mumbling in his sleep.

Even though you can't hear exactly what he's saying, you know he's having a nightmare, you've witnessed it before.

"Ben," you say quietly, trying not to startle him.

"No, that's not true!" he shakes his head roughly. His sweat soaked hair sticks to his forehead.

"B— Kylo, wake up," you say a bit louder. You brush his hair out of his face and cup his cheek. His head stops moving and he leans into your hand.

"Liar!" he mumbles.

"Kylo, wake up. It's just a dream."

"I'm alone!"

"Kylo, you're not alone," you say a bit louder. "Wake up!"

He gasps, sits upright quickly, and swings his hand toward you.

* * *

_Ben has horrible nightmares._

_T_ _hey're not consistent but they seem to be happening more frequently._

_Han and Leia's room is on the opposite end of the apartment so they don't hear him thrashing around and talking in his sleep. Your room is directly next to his so it's hard for you to miss._

_The past few days have been worse than before and you've barely gotten any sleep._

_When you tried to ask him about his nightmares his cocky attitude disappeared. He left abruptly, ignoring you when you apologized and called out to him. When he saw you next he acted like the conversation never happened. Since that incident you haven't mentioned the nightmares._

_You desperately need sleep so before you can second guess yourself, you push back the covers and crawl out of bed. You're wearing sleep shorts that expose more of your legs than he's ever seen and a black tank top which also exposes more skin than what you'd normally be comfortable with. It's hard to care when you're as exhausted as you are._

_Rubbing your arms for warmth, not bothering to look for a sweater, you slide the door to your room open and creep into the hall. You lift your hand to knock on Ben's door but pause before you do._

_Despite your good intentions you're about to walk into Ben's bedroom in the middle of the night wearing very little. If he wakes up when you knock he might get the wrong idea and assume you're at his door for a different reason._

_If he doesn't open the door you'll have to enter his room without permission and physically wake him up. That will look equally as suggestive and either way you're going to be in an awkward situation._

_Taking a deep breath, steeling yourself for whatever is about to happen. You knock several times and wait. The whimpering and mumbled distressed words continue without any sign of stopping. Before you can change your mind, you slide his door open and enter his room._

_It was a mistake._

_Ben is shirtless, covered from the waist down with a sheet. His thick, long legs are peaking out from under it leaving only his pelvis and thighs covered. You have no idea whether or not he sleeps nude which is an entirely new issue you hadn't factored in when deciding to barge into his bedroom in the middle of the night._

_His chest and face are glistening with sweat and his fists are clenched at his side. His sweat soaked hair sticks to his forehead as he shakes his head from left to right._

_"No, please stop. It's not true!"_

_Ben whimpers. His voice is shaky with barely suppressed emotion._

_You quickly cross the room and sit on the side of the bed. As gently as possible, trying not to startle him, you brush the hair away from his forehead._

_"Ben, it's just a nightmare. Wake up," you whisper._

_His head stops shaking side to side but he doesn't wake up._

_"I'm not! I'm not alone! You're lying!" he mumbles. His bottom lip begins to tremble._

_"Ben, you need to wake up," you say louder._

_Ben gasps and both of his arms fly towards you. His left goes in front of him, aimed directly at you. His right swings as if to hit you. You're not sure how you do it, but you grab his fist before it can connect and hold it. You aim your free hand at his outstretched one._

_As if you're both opposite sides of a magnet, you meet resistance, even though there's nothing between you but air. Your hand is frozen in place and so is his. There's pressure in between the two as if something's keeping your hands from connecting._

_All at once you see and hear things you don't understand because they're not in your head, they're in Ben's._

_An extremely sinister voice whispers lies and plays on Ben's insecurities about not being wanted, being unloved, being alone. It switches between that and sympathy, saying he can do better, he can be stronger. With strength he won't need anyone else, he'll be stronger than everyone._

_You gasp and pull your hands away from his, nearly falling off the bed in the process. Ben stares at you wide eyed and slightly confused._

_"What was that? What just happened?" you ask, panicked and short of breath._

_Ben sits up and rubs his hands over his face._

_"You're Force sensitive," he whispers. "Why didn't I notice it sooner?"_

_"What? No I'm not. Nothing like that has ever happened before."_

_"Yes, you are. You just used the Force to stop me from—" he swallows hard, embarrassed. "Did I hurt you? I'm sorry. I didn't mean—"_

_"I shouldn't have barged in here uninvited in the first place. You were just...you were having another nightmare. I couldn't listen to you cry out anymore. Sorry."_

_Your cheeks redden with embarrassment as you realize how things look._

_You're standing in his room in the middle of the night while he sits in bed half naked. You turn towards the door but he grabs your wrist before you can walk away._

_You glance at his hand on your wrist before meeting his eyes._

_"Can...can you stay?"_

_He averts his eyes and stares at the ground but he doesn't release your wrist. You search his face to see if this is a ploy to literally get you into bed with him but all you see is genuine distress and anxiety. Possibly even fear of going back to sleep. When you_ don't _respond he glances up at you and waits._

_If you stay you know things will shift between you. You will no longer be able to dance around his advances and act like you're uninterested. You'll no longer be able to act like you loathe his presence or that you don't care about his company. If you stay you'll be tossing out your rule about getting attached to people._

_"Please," he whispers._

_Sighing, you gesture with your chin for him to scoot over. His eyes widen. Even though he hoped you'd stay with him, he didn't think you would._

_Ben quickly scoots to the other side of the bed to make room for you. He lifts the sheet that's tangled around his lower half. The sight makes you pause. If he's naked underneath the sheet would he really let you slide in next to him without warning you first?_

_Under normal circumstances, probably. Now, when he's upset, you doubt it._

_When he sees where your eyes have gone his cheeks turn crimson._

_"Oh...I'm not...I mean I'm wearing—"_

_"It's fine," you interject, not wanting things to be more awkward than they already are._

_Although, flustered Ben Solo is a welcome change from the cocky Ben Solo you've become accustomed to._

_When he's finally untangled, he lifts the blanket for you to crawl under it. A hint of black can be seen from underneath, letting you know he was telling the truth._

_A small part of you is disappointed and you hate yourself for it._

_You hadn't realized how cold you were until you crawl under the blanket. His body heat rolls off of him in waves and envelopes you under the covers._

_You both lay on your backs and stare up at the ceiling in awkward silence._

_"Alright, ground rules. There will be no groping or anything of that nature. We are going to sleep and you're going to do it nightmare free, got it?"_

_Ben doesn't respond so you turn your head towards him. He's staring at you. He swallows hard and nods quickly when you're eyes meet._

_You quickly glance away and stare up at the ceiling again._

_"Okay, well goodnight I guess."_

_You know you're going to fall asleep quickly...as long as your mind stops thinking about the half naked man next to you._

_"Can I," he pauses to clear his throat when his voice cracks. "Is it okay if—"_

_You roll onto your side and face him. Sliding your arm underneath his pillow, you extend a silent invitation._

_The look on his face makes it clear he was not expecting you to be so welcoming. He was likely about to ask if spooning was okay but the fastest way for you to fall asleep at this point is to know he's going to follow suit._

_It takes him a moment to grasp what you're offering him. When he sees you're starting to get annoyed, he quickly scoots close to you, drapes his large arm over your waist, and intertwines his leg with yours. He tenses when you pull his head closer to your chest but instantly relaxes when you start running your fingers through his still damp hair._

_He sighs and relaxes into your arms._

_Thankfully he can't see your face. Seeing the cocky and annoying man cling to you like you're needed, like_ he _needs you, brings an unexpected smile to your face._

_"Thank you," he whispers. His breath fans across the exposed skin of your collar bone._

" _For what?"_

_"Waking me up and caring enough to stay with me."_

_Using the hand that's draped over your waist, he gives your hip a squeeze. Your heart nearly beats out of your chest and you're hoping he can't hear it._

_"Whatever it takes to get you to shut up and let me sleep," you say in jest, praying it will make things a little less awkward._

_He chuckles. "Goodnight, sweetheart," he whispers._

" _Goodnight, Ben."_

* * *

Kylo's hand swings toward you, ready to strike but you freeze it in place using the Force. His eyes are wildly looking around the ship as if he's expecting an enemy to jump out from around the corner at any moment. His eyes finally land on you and he stares at his frozen hand.

His eye twitches and he winces.

"What are you—"

"You were having a nightmare."

"No I wasn't. I was—"

"Yes, you were."

You release your hold on his hand and walk back to the cockpit.

Kylo closes his eyes and does his best to steady his breathing. Pain in his temples begins to throb and all he can do is apply pressure with his fingers.

He's not sure what just happened or how, but what he saw when you touched was a memory through his own eyes. One that he couldn't remember. One that he was sure didn't exist.

* * *

The memory of the night things changed is more painful than you assumed it would be.

Sighing, you step into the cockpit. When you reach the pilot's chair a blast hits the side of your ship. The impact throws you against the wall behind the pilot's seat.

"Kriff, ow," you groan and rub the side of your head, doing your best to shake off the dizziness.

The ship's emergency lights flash and the alarm screams throughout the ship.

Poe's comlink starts beeping.

BD starts panicking.

You're trying to stand but you're thrown back to the ground when the ship is hit again.

As you're scrambling to your feet, large hands grips you from under your arms and roughly plants you on your feet.

"Are you alright?" Kylo asks, looking over your shoulder towards the ships flashing emergency system.

"I...I think so," you mumble, unprepared for the sudden concern he's showing you.

"Good, get your shit together," he huffs as the concerned look quickly disappears. He quickly releases you and rushes over to the ships controls.

You grab Poe's comlink and accept the transmission. The ship shakes and the comlink slips out of your hand, landing among the ships control panel.

"This is an extremely bad time, Poe!" you yell over the ships alarms.

Kylo reaches across the dash and disables the alarm with the press of a button.

"That's why I'm contacting you!

Unsteadily, you sit in the pilot's seat and run diagnostics to assess the ships damage.

"There's a tracker on your ship. Someone planted it while you were on the Wheel."

Your eyes widen and meet Ben's as the two of you look towards one another.

"Scan the ship BD!"

Your droid disappears into the back of the ship without waiting for any further commands.

"There's a bounty on your head. You need to remove the tracker and find somewhere to lay low. Is there a planet nearby you can land on until the heat dies down?"

You transfer the ship's controls to Kylo, lean over, and buckle him in. His brow furrows and he looks at you questionably but only for a moment. Blasts narrowly miss the Grimtaash and he's forced to bring his attention back to the ship.

Once he's secure, you move away from him and buckle yourself in.

You need to be securely in your seats if he still flies the way he used to.

Kylo evades the ship behind you and activates the weapons system.

You pull up the navigational star map and scan it for a nearby planet.

"I found a planet, Poe. I think we'll be okay."

"You think? What planet?"

"Endor."

**Author's Note:**

> Your comments and kudos give me air in my lungs and are always appreciated.
> 
> As usual, each chapter will reference a song from the fics Spotify playlist and a lot of times will hint at what's to come. 
> 
> This fic is also posted on Wattpad [here](https://www.wattpad.com/user/ieatboyss)
> 
> You can find me on the bird app [here](https://twitter.com/sam_ieatboyss)
> 
> Support my unhealthy caffeine addiction [here](https://ko-fi.com/ieatboyss)


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